The Rambling RedHead

Employment (Thank you, God and Ken!!) and Miscellany

Yes, Gang, after over 5 months of "unplanned downtime" (being unemployed, laid off, shitcanned, fired, dumped, 86ed, etc..) I am re-entering the ranks of the gainfully, blissfully, deliriously happily EMPLOYED.. I will be working through a consulting company called Trianz at Cisco.. Sadly this means an end to Vic's, Big Ed's, Angelo's, Brass Grill, Duck and Dumpling, *insert dramatic weeping here* but it also means a whole passel of new possible lunch buddies emerges.. (Kansas, Jen, my Mom, etc..) I am really very excited about the job, as it also gets me out of the credit and risk analysis rut and into a great company with a fantastic corporate culture.. That was, hands down, the big selling point for me.. No more being bitch-slapped and penalized for being a single mother.. "Progress", my ass... It's the only company to ever make me feel guilty for taking time off to care for sick children.. Pricks..

Downtown people, look for me to attempt to cram in a few last lunches before I make the daily trek out to RTP hell..

Before I go any further, let me say a HUGE word of thanks to my personal hero, the wind beneath my wings, the light of my life and now my beloved co-worker, Ken, (pictured to the left) who forwarded my resume on to the company with some very kind words about me and provided an excellent internal recommendation that paved the way for me to get in the door.. He actually told them I was "very sharp"... Boy, do I have him snowed or what?? Not only did he give me a glowing recommendation, but he also pushed to get me into the opening on his team I wanted..

I've said it before and I'll say it again some of the greatest people I know and some of the best friends I have are one's I have met out on the town (Dani, Thomas, Kansas, Brother Wade, S.A.S.H., Michelle, The Pub Gang, etc.. The list goes on..) and Ken is no exception.. Who knew stopping by Hi5 for a drink with a friend of mine back in 2003 would have such an impact over 2 years later??. I've pretty much lost touch with the original people who introduced us, but we've always stayed in contact.. I know he won't take me up on the offer of my firstborn and no one is crazy enough to take the second one, so I guess I'll just have to repay him with sincere gratitude, a great dinner and many, many drinks... Seriously, sweetie, you're my hero and I am looking forward to working together..

As promised here are some pics with me and the kids... Not too clear but you can kind of make out the grass skirt and lei's in them..

Not too much going on this weekend, as far as I know.. We're having Ladies Night at the Home for Wayward Vixen's on Thursday, complete with take out from PF Changs and DVD's.. Friday is a Buffy Reunion Gathering, with me, AJ, Merritt and Big Brother assemblng to have munchables and watch our favorite Buffy Episodes (Fool for Love, Tabula Rasa, The Musical, etc..).. It's been probably 2 1/2 years since we all got together to watch episodes and munch.. I can't wait.. I will be whipping out my alter ego, Martha Stewart of the UnDead.. I know, I know, we're a bunch of freaks..

As far as live music goes this weekend, there's Sleeping Booty at the Cary Pub and Soul Patch at RiRa's.. I doubt I'll make it to either, but it's an FYI, just in case anyone is desperate for a fix..

I have word, finally on our next big live music weekend: September 9 and 10th.. Uphonik on the 10th and The Complaint's on the 9th, both at RiRa's.. I'm sure the Suspects be there both nights with bells on and boogie shoes laced..

Have a good one, Gang!

posted by Monet @ 4:20 PM 1 comments

Weekend Wrap-Up - July 25th

I'm happy to report there isn't a whole lot to report this fine and fabulous Monday.. My weekend was spent blissfully under the radar and chock full of R&R and family fun..

Friday I spent the whole day with my sister getting ready for my nephew Bailey's 1st birthday party.. After 7 hours of running errands with her 2 boys, picking up and playing with my 2 boys, I was knackered and in bed before 10.. Heaven..

Saturday my family was paid a visit by Princess Hadley and her mom, my oldest and dearest friend, Ang-A-La.. Sweetie, do you realize we've known each other for almost 23 years? Good googily moogily.. Every time I see anything with E.T. on it, I thank God (and Steven Spielberg) we sat next to each other in that assembly and mocked that poor woman's ugly baby.... Thankfully, God didn't hold our youthful shenanigans against us as we are both blessed with beautiful children.. After a lovely visit, Mom and I headed out to Wake Forest for the hootenanny cavalcade of kidling fun..

The theme was a Hawiian Luau.. Hopefully I will have some pics of me in my grass skirt and lei posted soon.. Oh yeah, I was a fashion Goddess.. Some perverted 3 year old kept pulling my skirt apart to see what was underneath it (shorts, thankyouverymuch).. The kids played in sprinklers and a "cold tub" (hot tub, without the heat).. There were water balloon fights and a toddler slip-n-slide for fun as well.. By the time we were all done with the kids, everyone left and we cleaned up, it was 7:30.. Got the kids to bed by 9:00 and followed shortly after.. Exhausted is an understatement of biblical proportions..

Sunday was pretty tame, church, naps, a trip to the bookstore, dinner and then a movie.. It would have been completely tame except for the temper tantrum Xander threw during communion, complete with him trying to chuck the communion wafer back at the priest.. Here's a little tidbit I didn't know.. Only Catholic priests can perform exorcisms, not Episcopalians.. Yep, I asked.. I think I got the deacon in trouble because he started laughing, which is apparently in poor taste when sharing the sacraments of the body and blood of the Lord.. Whoops, my bad..

Saw Bad News Bears on Sunday night.. It's pretty funny.. It is reminiscnet of Bad Santa but not nearly as offensive or sexually graphic.. The scene with the kids singing along to Eric Clapton's "Cocaine" at Hooters is worth the ticket price alone..

Looking forward to another low key week.. Team Single is taking a hiatus from group outings this week as AJ, our starting pitcher, has switched teams and is apparently now in the line-up for Team We're So In Love And Sweet We're Going To Send Everyone Into Insulin Shock. Just teasing, Sweetie.. I hope things continue to bossom for you and Not-My-Paul. I think Dani and I are going to try to stick indoors and enjoy some downtime.. I'm hoping for several nights of movies, reading and maybe I'll even do a spot of cooking.. RichEllis? Kansas? Merritt? Big Brother? Ken? Any other assorted Suspects? I'm issuing an open invite to anyone from The List who feels like joining in a non-pub night of movies and epicurean delights.. C'mon, Rich.. You know you miss my cooking..

Have a Good One, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 9:51 AM 3 comments

Downshifting

Happy Wednesday, Gang..

Everybody on The List, as well as about 60 people who aren't, probably received an email regarding my upcomming mission trip to Romania.. I have finally set the dates (October 13-25th) and have less than 3 months to make all the preparations for the trip.. There is alot more involved than one would suspect.. Shots, power converters, getting gifts for the kids and the mission staff, burning CD's and obtaining high dosage Valium/Ambien for the plane ride are among the easy items for my to do list.. Beyond that there is the personal preparation for my trip.. This will undoubtedly be the most challenging part of the preparations for me.

The funny thing is, I have not been very happy with the direction my life has been taking for a long time.. I have tons of acquaintences but count only a few "friends".. I am surrounded by people and yet am frequently very lonely.. I want something in my life to have some kind of meaning, to be something other than the whole surface worry about the job-house-social-life-dating bullshit that it has become.. My children bring much depth and meaning but the older they become, the less I am the center of their world and the more energy I have to focus elsewhere.. I am hoping this trip will inspire me to decide what path my life should take.. Should I pursue my CPA and continue up the corporate career ladder? Go back to school and get my MA in Psychology and become a counselor for Planned Parenthood? Pursue a life in missions or maybe even the ministry? I guess I am truly feeling called to make some kind of tangible change in my life but I have yet to determine what it is..

There were a number of comments and questions regarding The Manitoruim.. The driving force behind The Manitorium was based on my need to simplify my life and eliminate as many distractions and negative influences that I can and sadly, I have found "men" to be a big one.. I need more energy to focus on what road I should choose and men generally act as speed-bumps in that process.. No offense to the many, many wonderful men in my life (not to mention the 2 little "men-in-training" I managed to give birth to), but overall, my experiences in the dating arena with the male of the species have been exhausting.. Not all bad, mind you, but exhausting.. Dating is simply exhausting.. Going out on a weekend is exhausting.. Making small talk is exhausting.. Trying to figure men out is exhausting.. However, thanks to Erik, who suggested the answer was a better multi-vitamin and not emotional or physical celibacy..

You know, while in grad school getting my MBA, I was taught to examine the Risk/Reward ratio when making business decisions, that the reward must outweigh the risk by a proportion directly related to the anticipated benefit and cost of inputs.. When you apply that to dating, you kind of start to wonder why we bother at all.. In reviewing the collective dating expereinces of the female Suspects, it really is a miracle we're still sane.. Hell, we've dated the full range of the spectrum from coke-heads to DEA agents.. Actually, we managed to cross paths with both in the same night once, which is a funny, if disturbing, double date story best left for another time.. I'm not giving up on the men, relationships or dating.. That part of the Manitorium was misunderstood.. I'm just not wasting precious time with ones that aren't extrordinary.. And more to the point, in the immediate future, I have way too many other pressing life events to manage to deal with a fledgling relationship.. Any kind of relationship or even casual dating in general is just not feasible at this point.. I expend all my emotional energy on kids, family, friends and, occaisionally myself.. I just don't have any leftovers these days.. But fear not, kids.. I still believe in Prince Charming.. I still believe in Happily Ever After.. And I promise that a romantic heart still beats beneath my breast..

I have to be honest, the most exciting thing I want to do this week is eat popcorn in my jammies and watch Dead Like Me on DVD.. I'll be spending a great deal of the weekend working on trip details.. Blessedly, I am on lockdown with my boys and cannot be pried away for anything... Heck, Alex is taking the boys overnight tonight and I plan to spend the whole evening working on trip details in front of the TV.. I guess I could be the envy of loads of women, when you get right down to it... How many other ladies that are out there get to say they get to snuggle up on an almost nightly basis with not just one, but two adorable, sweet younger men.. Oh yeah, I'm a lucky girl..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 2:17 PM 4 comments

Weekend Wrap-Up - July 18

Not bad, not bad..

Thursday night saw the ladies assembling for an accessories party at our place.. I busted out the Betty Crocker alter ego and made my famous sausage balls, mini-pecan pies and turtle brownies.. Dani broughtsome kind of cream cheese and scallion spread on mini baguettes.. AJ whipped up a couple of pitchers of Sangria, which we originally said was Spanish for "cheap hooch".. Later, after we'd knocked back a large quanity of the hooch, we decided it was actually Spanish for "crack".. Lethal and dangerous, it's a terrible idea, but you just can't help yourself..

It was a lovely time..

Friday saw the girlies, including our beloved Michelle, plus Big Brother and English Simon doing dinner at the pub and darts at RiRa's and home before midnight.. We ladies were up early on Saturday to do breakfast at Courtney's and then a quick trip to Borders to pick up the latest Harry Potter "The Half Blood Prince".. 652 pages and I finished it in 6 hours.. Poor AJ, she didn't know what she was in for.. I planted myself on the couch and did not move or speak to anyone from the minute I opened the book.. If any of you are fans, let me assure you, this book is one of the best in the series.. It's filled with answers to questions we've been looking for since Sorcerer's Stone.. There is a major character loss which is heartbreaking.. It was a great read and will make the wait for the final book unbearable..

Saturday night saw us headed downtown for the Violent Femmes.. We started off really excited about the show.. And then we arrived.. It was just entirely too crowded, filled with the great unwashed masses.. Hippies reeking of patchouli and rednecks reeking of cheap beer. There was an hour wait to get beer tickets and then an hour wait to get beer.. We left about 10 minutes after arriving.. It was just too much in too small a space.. I don't think the organizers really think these things out.. They don't limit the headcount and it just was too damn hot and crowded.. Oh well.. we ended up hanging out with the Usual Suspects and having a good time.. Sunday was spent doing a Sex and the City marathon on the couch..

Not much the week, I'll be in with the kids all week, doing some more reading, playing, and starting to make plans for my trip.. Dead Like Me, Season 2 comes out tomorrow.. I'll probably be hunkered down for the majority of the week watching it.. The decision not to renew the show was Showtime's biggest screw-up.. That was probably one of the smartest and sharpest shows out there..

Nothing big for the weekend.. I'm taking a bit of a break and will probably be MIA from Glenwood South for a while.. Going to start focusing on preparing myself spiritually, emotionally and physically for my upcomming trip to Romania.. I should be setting my trip dates soon and will let everyone know when they are set.. Additionally, my major fundraiser will be coming up in August and once I have those details, I will be passing those along as well..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 10:40 AM 0 comments

Miscellaneousness

Pimp My Bed

When I moved in with AJ, I had to outfit my new bed.. I bought high thread count sheets, a feather bed, smushy feather pillows and a micro-suede down filled comforter.. As much time as is typically spent in bed (sleeping, watching DVD's, random indoor sports), you should insist on only the best..

Flash forward to a Sunday morning where I'm being lazy and watching a movie in bed.. AJ wakes up and asks if she can join me, I say sure, climb on in.. This is the point in the story where Kansas always asks if I had the presence of mind to take pictures.. The answer is no.. Anyways, we're watching the movie for about 20 seonds before AJ notices the superior comfort of my bed.. Next thing I know, we're up and out the door headed to the store to outfit her bed in blissful down filled delight.. This excursion became known as "Pimping her bed".. Flash forward another day when Dani is over and we recount the Bed Pimping incident.. She immediately gets up and goes to roll around on my bed (again, no pictures) and then asks me to pimp her bed..

To date, there are 5 pimped out beds and a request for another just came in last night (Don't sweat it Big Brother, we'll hook you up with a manly bed pimpin').. As I am still technically not working, I am officially offering my services as a Professional Bed Pimp.. Cocktails required..

The Manitorium

Since the "I delcare a memorial on all John's" conversation, we have been mis-using the word memorial rather haphazardly.. We like to think we will singlehandedly shift the definition of "memorial" in the Oxford Dictionary, but let's face it, we probably don't have that kind of vocabulary power. Yet.

Given the collective trainwreck of dating disasters and relationship ruinations and that we ladies have endured in the recent months (of which Flypaper was just one of many, many soul crushing, albeit hysterical occurances we have had.. OK, mainly me, but then again, I actually embarked on a mission to have 17 Bad Dates in a 30 day period, to see if it could be done, so I may have only myself to blame) our belief in true love, romance or just dates that don't end with charges being filed, has dimmed.. The other night I proposed that we take a "Manitorium".. A memorial from men.. I proposed a 6 week no-man / no-fly zone for us, with the general logic being that we could all use a break and perhaps rotate in a whole new crop of freaks without a circus for us to date.. At the very least, a whole new batch of men should be up for parole by then.. Actually, does anyone know when they are officially closing down Dorthea Dix? I hear they plan to release most of the residents into the general population.. Our dating pool is already low on chlorine, I can't imagine that's going to help matters..

Needless to say, AJ and Dani were not enthusiastic about the prospect.. I guess I'm going to go it alone.. 6 weeks (target end date of August 31) without dating.. I am going to be one cranky wench come late August.. I'm just hoping AJ will attribute the sharp increase in our power bill to the summer heat..

And You Thought I Was Twisted?

After another lunch spent in epicurean bliss at Big Ed's, Chris and I headed to White Rabbit, downtown Raleigh's fabulous gay bookstore (not to be confused with the Square Rabbit, a sandwich shop of indiscrinimate sexual orientation).. I went nuts and bought $40 worth of MikWright merchandise.. If I lived in Charlotte, I would beg these guys to hire me.. As my birthday is rapidly approaching (29 The Movie, Part V), if anyone is looking for that special something for me, you just can't go wrong with something from these guys.. Or Tiffany's, depending on your budget..

Below are a few of my favorite cards..

Recently Single?

I think they had me in mind.

The only way to break up with someone...

Hope to see all The Usual Suspects out at Violent Femmes tomorrow night.. They go on at 8:45..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 3:49 PM 0 comments

Good times, my friends... Good Times..

You know, for a Monday, it was pretty damn great.. I did my weekly lunch with Rene and Buck (The New Guy) downtown at Vic's.. Great Italian food and great companionship.. No topic of conversation is off limits which means it usually is a pretty off-color lunch.. Buck has been a great addition to the mix.. Post lunch, we did the requisite Moore Square lap (Raynor, that was a great tradition we started..) and ran into Special Agent Smart Ass (hope you don't mind, "Shit Head" just doesn't fit) and then I went shoe shopping.. If I could have thrown in a slice of cheesecake, it would have been the perfect start to the week..

And then there was the evening..

You gotta love the impromptu gathering of friends.. It started out with Dani and I hanging out on the patio, talking about boys, as usual.. We then pestered AJ until she ditched out of work a bit early to join us for serious girl time.. It could have been a scripted episode of Sex and the City, or a very racy version of Saved by the Bell.. We then ganged up on Big Brother and nagged him into cancelling out of a date ("She's 26.. We're pulling rank on her..") and joining us.. Then AJ invited Not-My-Paul to come and join the entourage and we topped it off by calling up our next door neighbor and convincing him to come hang out and to bring a few beers as well.. Five hours of fun and friendship.. We had a fabulous time, one of those wonderful evenings where the summer breeze carried laughter through the air all night.. We looked like an older version of an Abercrombie ad.. Not the naked kind though.. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I love my friends..

Classic lines from the day:

You really don't want to bat after that.. (Buck)
If you want to see a good band, check out Alabama Thunder Pussy.. (Rene)
Talk about Meet an Inmate.. (Dani)
Everybody looks like a Muppet (AJ)
Saturday night, bring on the hottness.. (AJ)
You did the flip.. Which is much less tacky than the roommate switch.. (Me)
Stunt cock? I'm sure I can fit that in.. Wait, that did not come out right.. (Me)
I'm a delicate fuckin' flower, yo, now make me some more brownies, bitch.. (AJ)

I'm looking forward to the rest of the week.. If that was Monday, I think it bodes well for the remainder..

posted by Monet @ 2:55 PM 1 comments

Weekend Wrap-Up - July 10th

I'm having one of those lovely, lazy Sunday nights.. Sitting at my computer, listening to my boys splashing in the tub, Bruce Sprinsgsteen playing in the background.. Right now, I just feel like all is right with the world.. I love the way songs speak to me, the way certain ones just touch my soul.. I'm currently working on my personal soundtrack.. Ever done that? Sit down and create a soundtrack to your life.. All the songs that have meaning to your life.. Once I finish mine, I'll post it.. I can't remember who I was talking to but I remember being asked what makes you love a song more, the music or the lyrics?? For me it's a combination of both, but I am more lyrically driven.. Sometimes it's just a single line in a song that does it for me.. Right now, I'm transported to the past by Thunder Road and that last line: "It's a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win..".. God, how that line is my dream..

But onto the weekend...

Friday was a nice, quiet evening home with the kids watching Scooby Doo for the 937th time.. Saturday was spent cleaning house and taking the kids to the bookstore.. I got the new Nick Hornby novel (A Long Way Down, about 4 suicidals that run into each other at the top of a building) as well as Fried Green Tomaotes (a beautiful tale of life during the Depression that bears no resemblence to that cheezy ass chick flick) and Something Borrowed (a novel that unflinchingly explores the reality of complicated relationships).. I spent the better part of the weekend with my head buried in a book.. Oh yeah, I got the kids some books too..

Saturday night, Kansas and I made an impromptu excursion to grab a drink before he heads out of town for a week.. We both wanted to skip downtown so we started at Gino Russo's.. With no place to sit and the band already started, we decided to move on to O'Malley's, the next closest bar.. Holy Moly.. I've only been there once but apparently I was there on a "good" night.. As we walk in there is "Friends in Low Places" blaring out of the jukebox and a little group of drunkards arm in arm swaying and singing along at the top of their lungs.. He looked at me and said "You're fuckin' kidding me, right?".. My reply? Welcome to North Carolina, Kansas.. I had always associated inbreeding with West Virginia until last night.. By the time we'd had 2 beers the hillbillies at the bar had 7 rounds of shots and then the "Yeeeeeehaaaaawww"s started.. So we finished up and called it a night at about 11:00.. I think Kansas was picturing something out of Deliverance by that time.. Oh yeah, wild times, wild times.. Now, this would have been just a night at a lousy bar except as we were walking out to the car, this one particularly loud and obnoxious redneck was actually urinating up against the building, right outside the door while being help upright by his girlfriend.. That's the kind of classy behaviour ususally reserved for a Jimmy Buffet concert.. This would be why I like sticking to my pubs so much.. I have yet to see anyone pissing on the streets of Glenwood South..

Sunday saw Alex and I taking Z-man to see Fantastic Four.. I thought it was a pretty frikkin good movie, even if the critics panned it.. It was a typical action adventure, superhero movie, nothing overly spectacular but certainly entertaining.. I put it on par with X-Men, to be honest.. Frankly, I felt it had a little something for the whole family.. Superhero's for the kids, Jessica Alba in spandex for the men and the hotness that was Johnny Storm for the ladies.. Flame on, indeed..

Big week ahead for the Suspects... We've got dinner w/ AJ and Big Brother, dinner with Rene and Jen, Michelle arrives for her visit Wednesday (Can't wait, babe!!), The Breakfast Club at Alive After 5 on Thursday, Crush at RiRa's on Friday and Violent Femmes at Moore Square on Saturday.. Whew.. I'm tired already.. Hopefully I'll have some good news on the job front soon.. Stay tuned for more details..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 8:02 PM 0 comments

Flypaper for Freaks..

My best friend CB says I am "flypaper for freaks".. Our definition being that if there is a drunken, unstable, psychopathic, emotionally crippled fuckwit within a 5 mile radius, they will usually find me, like deranged moths to a flame.. This theory of hers has been proven time and time again.. This most recent event incedence has, once again, given me cause to pause in consideration of my desire to remain a single, heterosexual female.. Sometimes it just seems it might be a more prudent course of action to go all Catholic and become a nun, switch teams and become gay, "full on Liberache gay" or just admit defeat, lower my standards appropriately and start corresponding on Meet An Inmate.

Our story begins as I am out jogging at Lake Lynn, a nice scenic jaunt, not too far from my parent's house.. I've got the iPod feeding angry rock music directly into my gray matter, the weather is lovely and life is good.. As I make my first round, I notice a moderately cute boy on his bike pass me and smile.. Ego boost.. As I head further around the path, he comes around again and says hi... Interesting.. The third time we pass, he pulls over before we meet and waits for me.. By now, I'm feeling pretty damn good about myself..

Pride goeth before the fall, my children..

Now, I'm quite happy with my position on Team Single but I am forever willing to make new friends and if I happen to meet Prince Charming in the process, well, so be it..

Semi-Cute Biker Boy and I strike up a conversation about generic, non-committal things and spend about 4 minutes establishing rapport.. So far so good.. Then, as inevitably it does with every man I meet, the other shoe drops.. He proceeds to tell me he's had a really stressful week.. I express sympathy and ask what happened to make the week so stressful, assuming work pressures, maybe he was moving, you know, normal shit.. This was a highly erroneous assumption.. And asking about it was a mistake of biblical proportions..

Over the course of the next 15 minutes he proceeds to tell me the entire history of his recently ended relationship with his former fiancee, about all the fights, ugliness, bitterness and recriminations, infidelity, emotional abuse with the tale culminating in their most recent breakup, predominately centered around the fact that she got pregnant to try to trap him into marriage.. And than when he said he didn't want to get married but wanted to be a part of his child's life, she decided to terminate the pregnancy.. That the whole reason that he was out riding his bike that day was becase at that very moment, she was having an abortion to end the pregnancy..

Yeeeaaahhh.. I'm going to have to go with "over-share".. That this may have been more information than was necessary to reveal a whopping 19 minutes into our tenure as acquaintances.. Actually, it may have been more information than was necessary to reveal outside the sanctity of the confessional booth.. To quote Sliding Doors (a brilliant movie) "I have people I consider soul mates that don't confide this much in me.."..

I spent about 5 more minutes wrapping up the conversation as gracefully as possible (a daunting task for even the most genial of individuals) and said I hoped things worked out for the best for him.. He asked if we could possibly get together one night for a drink to discuss more pleasant topics.. Like what?? Genocide in Dafur? Rectal polyps?

To hasten my departure, I accepted his email address (his name @ your basic popmail.com) and said I would drop him a note so we could get together.. And promptly made a mental note to switch back to Shelly Lake for future jogging excursions.. I also prayed earnestly that God would be kind and our paths would never cross again.. Apparently, God is not on my side these days..

Fast forward to a last week at Alive After 5, our local Thursday night live music gathering..

AJ and I are out having a few frosty adult beverages and plotting our next locale change when she suddenly nudges me and sayd we are getting ready to have company.. I turn to see who it is..

Fuck.

Well, hello there Crazy Biker Boy.. He comes up, gives me a hug and says he was hoping to run into me again as he had never heard from me.. I quickly say I must have had the address wrong because the email "bounced" and I was sorry.. His reply was that he suspected that and had set up a special email account just for me, in case he ran into me again.. I braced myself and asked what it was.. He replied "pleaseemailme @ your basic popmail.com"..

I swear to God. AJ probably will need extensive dental work because her jaw just about broke when it hit the ground..

Being the get-along-girl that I am, I promised to write him and quickly wrapped up the conversation and got the holy hell out of there.. As my guy radar has been known to be massively flawed in the past, I double checked with AJ as to the creepiness factor of the whole exchange.. She was in complete agreement that on a scale of 1 to Insane, that was a "Jame Gumb".. As in "It's puts the lotion in the basket or it get's the hose"...

Ok, so maybe I'm being too harsh.. Maybe this was someone who had been through alot of emotional turmoil and just wanted to get to know someone and make a new friend... I can admit that I have at times cringed when I had to reveal to people that I am unemployed and divorced with 2 kids, all the while, worrying that they are immediately summarizing that into "welfare mom".. I empathize with him for going through a difficult time and am sure that he was really a nice guy.. However, the part of me that is Co-Captain for Team Single was totally freaked out by a guy who felt a need to tell me all about his last relationships and ex-fiancee's abortion less than 20 minutes after meeting me and then set up a special email with "pleaseemailme" as the account name.. No matter how you look at it, that's just 8 shades of fucked up..

Every night as I tuck myself in at night, after I pray for family and friends and world peace, I say a wee prayer for Seriously Insane Biker Boy in hopes that he finds closure from his troubled relationship and the peace, love and the happiness that we all deserve..

And that we never, ever cross paths again.. No, seriously, God, I mean it this time.. Please, no more...

Amen

posted by Monet @ 12:40 PM 3 comments

Adventures in Parenting or Shit You Didn't Expect When You Were Expecting..

The simple truth is, no matter how much you babysat, how many siblings you had, how many years you spent as a camp counselor, how many sports you coached, kids you mentored, you just aren't prepared for some of the situations that arise when parenting.. Here's a fun example of the unique challenges that being a single mother to little boys can bring..

So this morning, I'm running around trying to get the boys ready for school/camp and was in my room getting dressed.. I then headed to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth when I encountered my 10 year old coming out with his hands suspiciously held behind his back.. The conversation went something like this:

"OK, slick, whacha' got behind your back?"

"Nothing, Mommy.."

"Uh huh.. There's an easy way and a hard way for us to resolve this.. The hard way involves no TV, no Gameboy and possibly being sold into bondage at the Kathy Lee Gifford Sportswear factory in Guatamala.. What's it going to be??"

"OK, I'll put it back... but I don't want you to see.."

Take a moment here to be afraid, as I was..

"Yeah, that's not going to work for me.. Hands in front.. NOW!!"

At this time, my son hands over my large makeup brush and a container of face powder.. Fuck.. There is no chapter in Dr. Spock that covers this particular situation.. Being a person who relies on humor and directness in all aspects of my life, including motherhood, I decide to take the straightforward approach..

"Look, sweetie, the fact is, even if you were a girl, 10 years old is too young to start wearing make-up... And you're not a girl.. You're a boy.. Being a boy means you just have to live with having a shiny T-Zone and that you will evenutally have hair on your back and other places that I don't want to discuss yet.. You are a little boy and until you are old enough to understand the full ramifications of what you're doing, you are to stay out of my make-up.. If you have any questions, or are confused about stuff, we can get you a book.. But let's just stay out of Mommy's make-up.. Are we clear on this??"

"Eeewww.. MOMMY!! What's wrong with you?? I don't want to wear make-up.. I'm not a GIRL!! "

Uhhh.. Well, this is a stumper..

"OK, now Mommy is really confused? So what are you doing with my powder and make-up brush?? OK, OK, you are also not allowed to put make-up on your little brother.. if 10 is too young, 4 is definitely too young unless he's entering some kind of pagent.. which is twisted for a whole lot of other reasons that Mommy is not prepared to discuss either.. Back to the original subjec, what ARE you doing with my make-up??"

"I just wanted to see if I could check for fingerprints like they do on CSI.. "

Oops.. Way to go, Jenn.. That's one small step for Maybellene, one giant crash and burn for Motherhood.. I essentially accuse my 10 year old son, who is interested in a career in forensics, of being a transvestite.. There goes my nomination for Mother of the Year..

I apologized profusely, praised his interest in such a challenging career and pointed out how great he was in Science and that he would probably make a fantastic CSI.. This is commonly known as "backpeddling".. In addition, to try to compensate for my grossly inaccurate conclusion, until I can order his Fingerprint Kit, I agreed to go out today and buy him his very own set of make-up brushes, some dark-toned face powder, scotch-tape and index cards so he can practice pulling prints from Nana and Papa's house.. I also said that in the future, if he wanted to borrow any of my things, be it make-up, books, DVD's or clothing, he was to ask my permission first.. That I was not mad he was trying to learn something new, but that he was trying to use my $30 Bare Essentials Mineral Veil make-up and not the cheap $4.99 Cover Girl shit.. I think he got my point..

This boy stuff is tricky.. I am so not looking forward to the birds and the bees discussion.. Actually, I think kids should learn about sex from their parents first and foremost. Of course if I follow my parent's example, this would involve owning a badly hidden copy of The Joy of Sex and a couple of really cheesy pornos..

But that's a whole other topic right there..

posted by Monet @ 11:07 AM 3 comments

Random Suspect Updates

Items of note:

Congrats to Brad and Sandra on the birth of Jake.. I received some pics and video of him yesterday and he's absolutely adorable.. Who would have ever thought one of the Fizz boys would be a Daddy?? The First Former Fizz Father.. Kinda scary, actually..

Further Good News.. Our very own Michelle, beloved former Usual Suspect who callously left us all to pursue Happily Ever After in Denver, CO, will be coming back for a visit next week, starting Wednesday.. I'm sure that we will be assembling a Happy Hour in her honor one of those nights so keep an eye out for the update..

Second, bad news on the music front.. It appears that we're in for a long wait for another good band night.. According to websites, it appears that it will be at least September before we see The Complaints or Uphonik. It's gonne be a long, hot summer..

posted by Monet @ 10:53 PM 0 comments

The Funniest People I Know..

As I was cleaning out my email, I happened upon some exchanges that I had with 2 of the funniest people I know.. Hope you enjoy them..

This one is from Merritt, funniest chick on the planet.. This is pretty typical of the comments she has..

In my commitment to my new, improved, healthy in-tune-with-the-universe resolution, I had a breakfast of wheat cereal, fresh blueberries, and milk. Not soy milk...small steps and all…I’ll get there. Now, all I want to do is deep-fry an endangered baby animal and eat it with chocolate syrup.



And yet another Merritt-ism:

I was going to go to yoga, but I had a killer headache after the class, putting me in a non-zen mode. I went to bead class instead.

Teacher: Breathe into it.
Me: Die, bitch.

Heh, on the plus side, I can now MAKE MY OWN BEADS. Because there just aren’t enough out there.

And then there's this exchange between myself and Kansas, funniest non-chick on the planet..

In your last note you mentioned a "pre-screen" for dating. I, being very much the socially retarded, insomniac with considerable HR experience have developed and long used the list below to weed out potential psychos.

1. Were you once a man?
2. Have you ever been arrested?
3. Are you currently in the witness protection program? If so, have you seen my Uncle Vito (bastard still owes me a five spot)
4. Are you on any special medication?
5. Are you married?
6. Do you have any baggage (e.g. kids, an crazy ex-husband, live-at-home granny with the whooping cough)?
7. Are you in massive amounts of debt and currently pursued by a loan shark?
8. Are you a lesbian and just “testing” yourself to make sure?
9. Do you have any obscure or dangerous diseases?
10. Do you use/smuggle/sell drugs of any kind?
11. Have you ever done anything that could get you kick out of Mexico?

This list has served me well over the years. Sadly, women who have trampled in and out of my life (mostly out) have, on at least one occasion, failed to provide the correct answer to these questions, separately and collectively. Thanks to the utter perversion and insanity of the opposite sex, each debacle of a conversation with which I find myself entangled, leads to another question.... and, dear God, another answer. That, and I have worse taste in women then Jerry lee Lewis... present company excluded of course.

Fine Print: All Items within said list can be overlooked (except for #1) if you are in a different area code, have consumed more than 5 alcoholic beverages, or are just really really horny.

My reply..

I gotta admit, I love my friends.. Slow people need not apply..

posted by Monet @ 10:12 PM 0 comments

And so it begins..

Allow me to introduce myself.. I'm a hyper-articulate, overly opinionated redhead with too much time on her hands.. I have an email list that I started in 2001 that started out as a way to share humorous websites and jokes but gradually morphed into a twice weekly local gossip rag and bar band update.. Over the last few months I have been told by several people that they miss the daily emails I used to send out.. And then other folks said that the emails I was sending out were too long to read.. Given that my goal in life is to please everyone, I figure this is the happiest medium I can come up with.. This way I can share my ramblings, updates, thoughts and rants as often as I want without cluttering up inboxes..

posted by Monet @ 10:47 AM 0 comments