The Rambling RedHead

Downshifting

Happy Wednesday, Gang..

Everybody on The List, as well as about 60 people who aren't, probably received an email regarding my upcomming mission trip to Romania.. I have finally set the dates (October 13-25th) and have less than 3 months to make all the preparations for the trip.. There is alot more involved than one would suspect.. Shots, power converters, getting gifts for the kids and the mission staff, burning CD's and obtaining high dosage Valium/Ambien for the plane ride are among the easy items for my to do list.. Beyond that there is the personal preparation for my trip.. This will undoubtedly be the most challenging part of the preparations for me.

The funny thing is, I have not been very happy with the direction my life has been taking for a long time.. I have tons of acquaintences but count only a few "friends".. I am surrounded by people and yet am frequently very lonely.. I want something in my life to have some kind of meaning, to be something other than the whole surface worry about the job-house-social-life-dating bullshit that it has become.. My children bring much depth and meaning but the older they become, the less I am the center of their world and the more energy I have to focus elsewhere.. I am hoping this trip will inspire me to decide what path my life should take.. Should I pursue my CPA and continue up the corporate career ladder? Go back to school and get my MA in Psychology and become a counselor for Planned Parenthood? Pursue a life in missions or maybe even the ministry? I guess I am truly feeling called to make some kind of tangible change in my life but I have yet to determine what it is..

There were a number of comments and questions regarding The Manitoruim.. The driving force behind The Manitorium was based on my need to simplify my life and eliminate as many distractions and negative influences that I can and sadly, I have found "men" to be a big one.. I need more energy to focus on what road I should choose and men generally act as speed-bumps in that process.. No offense to the many, many wonderful men in my life (not to mention the 2 little "men-in-training" I managed to give birth to), but overall, my experiences in the dating arena with the male of the species have been exhausting.. Not all bad, mind you, but exhausting.. Dating is simply exhausting.. Going out on a weekend is exhausting.. Making small talk is exhausting.. Trying to figure men out is exhausting.. However, thanks to Erik, who suggested the answer was a better multi-vitamin and not emotional or physical celibacy..

You know, while in grad school getting my MBA, I was taught to examine the Risk/Reward ratio when making business decisions, that the reward must outweigh the risk by a proportion directly related to the anticipated benefit and cost of inputs.. When you apply that to dating, you kind of start to wonder why we bother at all.. In reviewing the collective dating expereinces of the female Suspects, it really is a miracle we're still sane.. Hell, we've dated the full range of the spectrum from coke-heads to DEA agents.. Actually, we managed to cross paths with both in the same night once, which is a funny, if disturbing, double date story best left for another time.. I'm not giving up on the men, relationships or dating.. That part of the Manitorium was misunderstood.. I'm just not wasting precious time with ones that aren't extrordinary.. And more to the point, in the immediate future, I have way too many other pressing life events to manage to deal with a fledgling relationship.. Any kind of relationship or even casual dating in general is just not feasible at this point.. I expend all my emotional energy on kids, family, friends and, occaisionally myself.. I just don't have any leftovers these days.. But fear not, kids.. I still believe in Prince Charming.. I still believe in Happily Ever After.. And I promise that a romantic heart still beats beneath my breast..

I have to be honest, the most exciting thing I want to do this week is eat popcorn in my jammies and watch Dead Like Me on DVD.. I'll be spending a great deal of the weekend working on trip details.. Blessedly, I am on lockdown with my boys and cannot be pried away for anything... Heck, Alex is taking the boys overnight tonight and I plan to spend the whole evening working on trip details in front of the TV.. I guess I could be the envy of loads of women, when you get right down to it... How many other ladies that are out there get to say they get to snuggle up on an almost nightly basis with not just one, but two adorable, sweet younger men.. Oh yeah, I'm a lucky girl..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 2:17 PM