Awkward Conversations
There are many, many wonderful things about new relationships.. The butterflies you get in your stomach, the fact that everything is fresh and new, first kisses, that stupidly optomistic feeling that maybe this will be true love, learning all the things that make them special and wonderful.. It's all grand and exciting..And then there are the less wonderful things about new relationships.. Wondering if he's going to run away screaming the first time he sees you wihout your makeup, figuring out how your lives fit together, if they fit together, all the possible pitfalls that you might encounter such as substance abuse issues, internet porn addictions, bodies in the closet, finding out he's a Republican.. It's all scary and overwhelming..
Despite all the fears and potential horrors of new relationships, occaisionally all the wonderful things outnumber the fears and potential road-bumps and you can actually move out of dating and into a relationship.. This transition is not always easy.. Typically it requires a rite of passage that no one enjoys, also known as The Awkward Conversations.. In order for a couple to move from just dating into an actual relationship there are 2 major milestone conversations that must or should take place:
1. The Monogamy Conversation AKA Are You Still Dating Anyone Else?? / Are We Dating Exclusively?? This is absolutely critical to ask when you begin to tiptoe into the relationship area.. While it is awkward to bring up and highly dreaded as we women are afraid that guys will jump to the conclusion that the next phrase out of our mouths will be tinged with matrimonial intent, it is unfortunately a conversation that can't be avoided. Almost any woman with more than about 6 months of dating experience under her belt has had the even less comfortable moment when you are out with your girlfriends and bump into your "boyfriend" who just happens to be on a date with someone else.. Ouch.. And as much as this would hurt, it can't be considered cheating if you have not "defined the terms of the contract".. I once found myself in a sitaution where I was dating more than one person on what I considered to be a casual level.. No mention of exclusivity was stated and yet, I slowly came to realize that that both were operating under the idea that I was seeing them exclusively. I was juggling and found myself with "too many balls in the air".. At the advice of my beloved Cora Bean, I performed a "ball reduction exercise" in which I determined who I wanted to be involved with more, where my heart was really at and then delicately extracted myself from the other situation..
2. The Birth Control / Condom Conversation AKA How Long Do I Have to Keep Wearing These Things?? / What Do You Mean You're Not On The Pill?? This mind numbingly uncomfortable conversation usually falls after the Monogamy Conversation, altho it is typically my practice to just run the two together and get it all out of the way at once. Generally, once you've established a certain level of trust and intimacy and that you're both not intending to go out and sleep with any other people, you realize that you might want to be able to have truly spontaneous albeit safe sex with your beloved. There are typically 2 barriers to this fear of pregnancy and fear of disease. Most men are centered on their desire to rid themselves of condoms.. I know of exactly 2 men in my entire life that actually don't mind condom useage and will continue to prefer them as birth control even after the health factors have been eliminated. Amazingly enough, despite the fact that our lives are on the line, I know so many people that just stop using condoms without any real discussion as to if there is any known communicable diseases in play. What's amusing is there are people that would insist on using them for a one night stand but once they start dating someone, they just assume it's safe. As a part of my annual check-up I have a complete STD and blood panel run. Now, maybe that's hyper paranoid but even if I have been in a monogamous relationship, it doesn't hurt to make sure that everything checks out. It wouldn't be the first time a girl went in for a pap and came out with the clap. I no longer even try to be discreet or coy about the whole thing.. I ususally wait til I've had a glass of wine or two and just kind of blurt out "You know, I hate condoms, we're not sleeping with anyone else I have paperwork and an IUD so when was your last test??" It's like asking someone if their dog has had all its shots before you pet it.. There's just no easy way to do it so you might as well just get it over with..
You know, given all the hurdles, awkwardness and embarrassing issues that have to be dealt with in modern romance, it's a wonder we manage to advance the species at all.. and yet, somehow, once certain road blocks have been sidestepped, there is a new foundation with which to work with.. a new sense of trust, openness and a feeling of connectedness.. Somehow, knowing the rewards that await us; genuine openness and intimacy and unencumbered, totally free, hot, sweaty monkey sex, we blithely tip toe our way through the awkwardness and into a new potentially emoitionally raw territory called love..
And it is so very worth it..
posted by Monet @ 6:30 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home