The Rambling RedHead

The Rambling RedHead's Holiday Message

2005 was the worst year of my life.
I lost my job, went through an ugly custody battle, teetered on the brink of financial ruin, had 2 separate biopsies for 2 separate cancers, became homeless and after ending my year long relationship with The Mad Scotsman, embarked on the longest stretch of soul sucking loneliness in my life and endured the most horrific dating experiences known to man. At times the impetus to hurl myself in front of a speeding truck was exceedingly strong. The only reason I am alive to celebrate the holidays is because of my friends, my family and my faith.

My Friends: The Suspects, The Vixen's and The Rest of The List..
Throughout the year, Cora, AJ, Dani, Big Brother and Kansas have done more than they know in terms of providing me with a will to live. Just knowing that I have these amazing people supporting and loving me has made each day bearable. I hope that each of them knows how truly blessed I feel to have them in my life. Also worth noting are the many, many other people that provide such light and love in my life through friendship, social acquantences and support of my literary aspirations.. Thanks to each of you for allowing me to ramble..

My Family: My Wild Monkeys
My wildly funny, amazing, brilliant, challenging, beautiful boys provided me with a reason to get out of bed each day and face whatever I encountered head on. Every time I started to feel overwhelmed, my boys would do or say something that refocused my perspective on what defines success and happiness. There is nothing in the world that chases away the despair having a butt naked 4 year old run through the middle of the kitchen yelling “Touch my monkey!!” at the top of his lungs.. I challenge anyone to remain depressed after seeing that.

My Faith: The Reason for the Season
Most importantly, I have my faith. My faith is such an integral part of who I am and who I am becomming and yet, it makes people so uncomfortable when I speak of it. I actually ended an almost 20 year friendship in August because this person, an avowed athiest, could not accept my faith and my love of God. This broke my heart and yet once again pointed out a glaring hypocrisy in life.. People are completely at ease hearing vile racist, sexual, political humor and yet the minute anyone speaks of faith, people become distinctly uncomfortable.. I do not pressure anyone to accept my beliefs nor is it a condition of my love for anyone, however, to ask me to not speak of the thing that sustains me is something I simply cannot do, certainly not during this holy season of preparation and renewed wonder in the miracle of God.

At times during the year, I once again found myself spiraling into “Why me??” mentality. Each financial set back, each argument with the ex, each time I was passed over for a job opening, each call from the doctor that began with “We’re going to need you to come back into the office for some more tests..”, each gut-wrenchingly bad date and each morning I woke up alone would chip away at my soul. Yet, every time I felt myself being pushed towards my threshold for despair, I would recall and cling to the words of one of my oldest and dearest friends, Kendrick, who once told me “If He brought you to it, He’ll get you through it.”

My focus for 2006 is to use JOY in setting priorities. Jesus – Others – Yourself.. For my darling Jewish and Pagan friends, feel free to change it to the GOY principle (God/dess, Others and Yourself). Prayer was my life-raft in a sea of despair. My church community gave me a like minded group of people with which to draw closer to God. Service opportunities in my church challenged me to focus not on myself and what I thought I needed but on the true needs of others. My Education for Ministry class is giving me a deeper understanding of the Bible and the church and preparing me for more significant service commitments in the future. My Stephen Ministry class is giving me the skills and resources to help those who are truly in crisis, to help them cling to the very life-raft that I did in my own times of trouble. My trip to Romania set my heart on a mission path that will lead me back out of the country again and again to seek to ease the suffering of the children of our world who lack the blessings and opportunities that we take so very much for granted.

My Challenge to Each of You for 2006:
I encourage everyone, regardless of the faith you have or don’t have, to attempt to live your life a little less selfishly in the coming year. I challenge each of you to give the most precious gift of all, the gift of yourself. Volunteer for something you believe in. Donate whatever you can to whatever charity you are drawn to. Do something that makes a difference, no matter how small, in the world. No one can do it all, but everyone should be doing something. Put others first. Let someone go ahead of you in line. Smile at cashiers. Do something for the one you love without any expectations in return. Take homemade cookies by your local fire or police station and say thank you to the men and women who keep us safe in our homes and communities. Send a letter to someone in the armed forces as gratitude for defending the principles and freedom of our nation. Tell someone you love them without fear or hesitation. Act foolish to make a child laugh. There are no excuses for inaction and I beg each of you to allow yourself to be compelled to simply act with love towards your fellow man.

All things happen for a reason. Trite but true. After this most trying year of my life, filled with struggles, disappointments, loneliness and despair, I am more convinced than ever that God has a purpose for each and every one of us. I know that no matter what I am going through, He will bring me to the place I need to be. After all, look how far I’ve come this year! I have a job that I absolutely love that has allowed me to make a rapid financial recovery. My biopsies came back as non-cancerous and helped me realize that I should be taking better care of myself. Additionally, when faced with the possibility of a genuinely serious illness, I realized how much I truly love my life and the world I live in. My legal troubles have ended and I am actually somewhat getting along with my ex for the first time in years. I have had both my parents and my dear friend AJ generously provide me with shelter and a roof over my head and I am looking forward to purchasing my own home in the early Spring. Beyond the resolutions of my various troubles, I remain blessed to have the foundation of my soul, my friends, my family and my faith. Given all the many blessings that God has brought to me out of the depths of dejection, I have to believe that having recklessly, gloriously passionate love in my life again can’t be far behind. I have faith that I will love and be loved by someone who thinks I am amazing.

And Finally:
During this holiday season, take time to embrace the notion that it is better to give than receive and that true love can conquer all. God works miracles. Trust me on this. Hard as it is to believe, there are personal things about my life that I do not share with the blog population in general. There are some things that only The Suspects, and sometimes that only Cora, Dani and AJ know about. I have seen God’s miracles in action in my life very recently. Things have happened for me that could not have been affected without the deliberate hand of God at work. Try, for just a minute, to believe in miracles. Give of yourself with abandon and passion. You only get back from life what you put into it.

Love without fear and live without regret.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Blessed Solstice, and a joyous Festivus.

posted by Monet @ 6:02 PM