The Rambling RedHead

Faith in Men?

It goes without saying that I love men. All my life most of my close friends have been men. I have never been one of those “All Men Suck” kind of women and generally have maintained faith in the male of the species and believed that desperate leg humping troglodytes are the exception rather than the rule.

Until recently.

Allow me to share with you 3 stories that give men a bad name. The last one actually occurred this past weekend.. These are the kind of experiences that turns otherwise trusting, secure females such as myself into the kind of crazed psycho that hacks into email, steals a guy’s phone to check the last 10 numbers called and counts the number of condoms in the bathroom drawer (which after Awkward Conversation #2, should NOT change)..

But He Wasn’t Wearing A Wedding Ring

One night, Dani and I were having post-work drinks at the pub (as we occasionally do) and were approached by several gentlemen who all worked for our federal government.. We did the ring check, 2 with, 2 without.. One of the "withouts” was fairly charming and started chatting me up. As Dani and I were leaving to run home to change out of our work gear, he asked for my phone number. I wasn’t that interested but he seemed nice, somewhat intelligent and at least passably cute and I was single with no promising prospects so I gave it to him. We returned to the pub some 3 hours later to find our local government representatives had not moved. And were shitfaced. So this guy, let’s call him Special Agent CockSucker (actually, Dani did call him that… Repeatedly.. To his face.. God, I love her..) got completely obnoxious and tried to kiss me twice, despite my warnings that I had no qualms with assaulting a federal agent in public. After a few more attempted gropes, I suggested to his friend (Special Agent DipShit) that perhaps he call it a night while he could still walk..

After he finally left, I ended up striking up a conversation and really hitting it off with one of his friends that had just arrived and was therefore sober.. I rapidly developed a keen interest in his friend, more commonly known as Special Agent Smart Ass. Over the next hour it became obvious that the interest was mutual so I was surprised he didn't ask for my phone number as he was geting ready to leave.. As we've already covered, I'm not much of a Rules Girl so I asked if he wanted to get together one night for a drink. At this point S.A. Smart Ass expressed valid concern that I had given my number to his friend mere hours before. Busted. Note to self: word travels fast amongst the special agents.. I was honest and said at the beginning of the night, the other guy seemed ok but by the end, he was a drunken jackass and that even if he did call me I had no interest in going out with him given his behavior. At this point, S.A. SmartAss told me not to hold my breath as, I probably wouldn't be hearing from S.A. CockSucker, what with him being married with kids. How right he was.. I never heard from him.. Of course, the fact that I ended up dating SA. SmartAss for awhile also could have impacted his decision not to call as well, so who knows.. In the end, I lost a little faith in the federal government’s character screening process with one gentleman but ultimately more than gained it back in S.A. Smart Ass..

Not Everyone Wants To Sleep With Me.. OK, Maybe They Do..

A funny thing happened on the way to the gynecologist.. I stopped by a coffee shop to kill some time and read a book... An attractive gentleman sits down on the couch across from me and strikes up a conversation.. The first thing I notice about him is that he is wearing a wedding ring.. I don't jump to any negative conclusions. After all, it is 10:45am at a coffee shop and I really don't automatically assume everyone who talks to me is trying to get in my pants.. We engage in casual conversation for about 15 to 20 minutes, he’s just in from out of town and will be traveling to the area frequently, I make suggestions for lodging, dinner and drink locations, etc.. As I am getting ready to leave, he asks if he could get my phone number and take me out for a drink one night as a thank you for being his virtual tour guide.. I asked, ever so politely, if he would be bringing his wife and if so, should I bring my kids?? He proceeded to tell me he and his wife have an "understanding" about when he travels since she doesn’t really enjoy sex anymore. He goes on to tell me that he felt a real connection with me and would like to get to know me better.. To this I replied that there was no point in getting to know me better b/c if he did, he'd know just how lucky he was that I had not kicked his teeth down this throat.

Screw Parental Controls, We Need Spousal Controls..

Since the advent of email, texting, online communities like My Space, etc., the ability to screw around on one’s significant other has become easier than ever. As much as a techno-geek as I am, I admit I feel a certain amount of trepidation in being in relationships as the vast array of messaging media makes it increasingly easy for individuals to cheat and not get caught.. Most people assume that if we get involved with someone, the idea is we quit dating other people. Ergo, Awkward Conversation #1. At the very least, you’d think that once you get married, it’s just a given that the exchange of rings and vows should precipitate a withdrawal from the dating pool..

You’d think that, but occasionally, you’d be wrong.

This past weekend I received a message from someone on Friendster, an online community like My Space that I posted a profile on last year. I had not logged in since last June sometime and AJ was my only friend on Friendster, so you can see why I was quite surprised to see a message originated from there. Here’s what the message said:

Hi! My name is Alan and I currently live in Chicago but come to RTP quite often for work.

I know that you are looking for a "single" guy....but was wondering if you would consider any kind of a relationship (ok.. affair) with a married man. I work as the Medical Director for a pharmaceutical company and we are conducting many clinical trials in RTP, therefore, I travel to your city quite often. If you would have any interest in having dinner....and seeing what may or may not develop - I know that I would very much enjoy it.

I can send you photos if you like....just let me know what email to use. My email is **DELETED** I do hope that you will write back......

Until then, Alan

My reply:

Alan,

Thanks for your interest. Apparently you did not read my profile very closely. The part where it says "active in my church" probably should have been a big hint that adultery is not something I would consider.

I will be praying for you and your wife.

Jenn

I forwarded it on to The Usual Suspects whose general response was that I let him off too easily. Kansas’ suggested response used the word “ass bandit”. And they were all annoyed I deleted his email as they wanted to form some kind of Matrimony Vigilante Email Posse and electronically kick his ass. I know, I probably was way too easy on the guy, but you know, if someone is so low, such a total scumbag as to attempt to engage a single mother of 2 children in an affair, there is nothing I can say that will possibly make a difference. The man is just plain stupid.. Ultimately, he will get caught and, God willing, his wife will get it all. Let’s just hope she doesn’t get a disease from him first. I know it seems out of character for me to just let somethinglike that go with such a tame email but I really am not some kind of crazy person that seeks retribution for the wrongdoings of others on their behalf.*

Conclusion

I have to wonder, are men really this fucking stupid? On one hand, I can see the "nothing ventured, nothing gained" attitude from guy at the coffee shop but the other two mystify me. Take the guy from the pub, I just don't get.. He lives here.. And is acquainted with someone I ended up dating.. That detail aside, what if I had seen him out day at the Wal-Mart with his wife and kids and walked up, given him a huge hug and said something like: "Hey! I was wondering if I'd ever see you again.. I thought you were going to call me so we could go out??".. Something tells me that would not have made the little woman happy.. In an effort to cut the guy some slack, I am willing to chalk that one up to “drunk thing” and assume he normally is a devoted and faithful husband..

But the last guy.. Why would you email someone you know nothing about and ask them if they want to have an affair with you? My moral indignation aside, the guy wouldn’t make it past my screening process (which admittedly is highly flawed) as he was obviously an idiot. I don’t care if he is the Medical Director of a major pharma company, he’s dumb as a box of rocks. Let’s examine the evidence: My profile made reference to my extensive church activities and my having 2 kids. What about that would lead someone to believe that having an affair with a married man is going to be on the menu with me? That’s like emailing Pat Robertson and seeing if he’d be up for a night of dinner and dancing at a gay bar with Hugo Chavez and Ted Kennedy. Let's face it folks, the R.S.V.P. on that one is going to be a "No"..

I admit, that last one really shook my faith in men. I have such a hard time really opening up to someone and trusting them when I have experiences such as these in my head. Trust is such a fragile thing. Granted, men as a whole should not be punished for the misdeeds of a few, but it is my unfortunate belief that the few are not so few anymore.. Do all men cheat? Or rather, would all men cheat if they had the chance and really believed they could get away with it? I’d like to think that strength of character and basic love and respect for their loved one would keep a guy faithful.. But let's be realistic, I think most women would be happy if fear of disease guaranteed fidelity..

As I once again begin the process of new dating experiences, I say a little prayer that I can push the memories of these experiences out of my mind and focus instead the good guys that are out there.. Men of character and quality like Big Brother, Kansas, Rich, HunnyBunny, Special Agent SmartAss, StormTrooper Rich, The Mad Scotsman, Rene, Clyde, Brother Wade, Kendrick and Stan, just to name a few.. You guys are the ones that give us ladies faith to go on those first dates.. And for that, on behalf of my entire gender, I say thanks for not being a bunch of desperate, leg-humping, cheating troglodytish bastards..

Happy dating, y'all..

*Legal Disclaimer. In the event that “Alan” comes across this posting, I’d like to state for the record that I did not take your personal email address and use it to sign you up for all those Christian Marriage newsletters, the BDSM product listing updates, the guy-on-guy gay porn video sampler packs or register you as a sex offender for criminal bestiality in 7 states and the District of Columbia. That was clearly the work of some less than law abiding citizen who was appalled and disgusted by your actions and took it upon themselves to extract retribution on your wife’s behalf.


Thank-you.

posted by Monet @ 2:31 PM