The Rambling RedHead

Scopes by Kansas.. Anger Management Much??

After receiving so much guidance from the Scopes, Kansas decided to take his best shot at writing his own.. I suspect that anger management and/or sex with an actual partner would probably improve his outlook considerably.. After reading this, much like myself, you'll probably have a slightly clearer picture of why we didn't work out.. But hey, you gotta love him..

And for those who find this brand of sarcasm and wit as delicious as The Suspects do, please come show your support and join us at Borders in Cary this Saturday (Sept. 10th) at 1:00 for Tim's book signing.. The Vixens will be there in all their freshly pedicured glory..

Astrology According to Tim (aka Kansas)

Aquarius (Jan 23 – Feb 22) - You have a creative and progressive mind. However, you repeatedly make the same mistakes because you’re a blithering moron. You are a prolific bullshit artist. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 – March 22) – Your adventurous soul leads you to believe that most people are crybabies and pussies. You are quick to berate others, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but piss people off. You are a prick.

Aries (March 23 – April 22) - You have passable charm and a slight influence over others, but people resent you for flaunting this power. You are haunted by paranoia and think the CIA is trying to kill you. You lack confidence; self-respect and have little to no dignity. You are a complete dickweed.

Taurus (April 23 – May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You are completely dedicated workaholic. You are tortured by feelings of inadequacy and suffer from imposter syndrome. People think you are neurotic, stubborn and unrealistic. You are nothing but a communist in need of heavy medication.

Gemini (May 23 – June 22) - You are witty and intelligent. People like you because you are bisexual and easy. You are a cheap bastard who expects too much for too little. You’d enjoy incest and bestiality if it weren’t for those pesky laws.

Cancer (June 23 – July 22) - You are an empathetic soul who has a gift for internalizing people’s problems. This makes you a sucker. You are lazy, tend to procrastinate, and typically ignore your own needs. If free, you are likely on welfare. If imprisoned, which is far more likely, you are probably someone’s bitch.

Leo (July 23- August 22) – You have a very high opinion of yourself and think you are destined for greatness. Others consider you a jag-off. You are a loud-mouthed bully who cannot handle constructive feedback. Your arrogance is disgusting and debilitating to those around you. You are a thieving motherfucker who enjoys masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (August 23 – Sept 22) - You crave logic and avoid disorder at all costs. Your nit-picking perfectionism may one day get you killed. You are cold, detached and completely devoid of feelings. You often fall asleep during sex.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) – You are an unrealistic artist type who is completely self-absorbed. Your chances for legitimate, gainful employment are almost nonexistent. Libra men are hooked on cyber porn. Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 22) – You are shrewd, calculating corporate cocksuckers who cannot be trusted. You will achieve greatness due to a total lack of ethics. Scorpios are scumbags and most are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 22) - You are a delusionally happy asshole who doodles incessantly and dots his “I”s with little hearts. You are careless in all aspects of life and tend to rely on your luck because you have no talent or brains. Most Sagittarius are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 – Jan 22) – You are painfully risk adverse and really have no business being on the planet. There has never been a Capricorn of any consequence. It’s best you kill yourself straight away and hope for reincarnation.


MacLoughlin's Game, Tim Toterhi's latest novel are on sale now at: http://www.trebleheartbooks.com/WDToterhi.html

Other books can be found at www.timtoterhi.com

posted by Monet @ 9:40 PM