The Rambling RedHead

Bad Milk in Raleigh - Part 2

When we last saw our intreipd herione (that would be me) she was navigating the shark infested waters of the dating pool.. We now join our previously scheduled program, already in prgress..

Next, there was Francisco, a guy I was involved with for a month or so quite awhile back.. The relationship ended, and ended badly at the time, but, for some reason, we remained in contact, quasi-friends, via emails and the occasional late night phone call.. Allow me to clarify.. He would frequently call me at 2:30am just to talk.. Oh sure, technically they could be called pseudo booty-calls as he usually invited me to come over but never took it personally when I would point out, no, I was already home, in my jammies, dating someone and not going anywhere…Hell, for a 6 month period, I talked to him almost every other Saturday night at 2:00 for at least a half an hour but never actually saw him in person.. At one point I changed the ring-tone in my phone for him to play ‘3 AM’ by Matchbox 20 (“Baby, it’s 3 am I must be lonely").. Strange relationship doesn’t begin to cover it.. Part failed booty-call, part friendship, part drunken phone buddy, part conversational compatibility.. Oddly enough I did and still do think the world of him, really.. Hell, I'd probably be willing to date him again, except our current friendship works so well for both of us.. I'm remarkably stupid about matters of the heart.. Anyhow, one night, after a dry-spell in communication (correctly attributed to the presence of a new girlfriend), my phone rings at around 2:15am. Francisco, well and truly liquored up, proceeds to tell me he is supposed to be getting married in the morning.. That he’s supposed to be at some church at 11:00 am but that he can’t stop thinking about me and isn’t sure it’s the right thing to do, blah, blah, blah.. I actually spend the next 3 hours on the phone talking to him about it, pointing out it’s a bad sign that he’s very drunk and calling an ex the night before he’s supposed to get married, asking why he was getting married if he didn’t want to, that he would probably not be sober by the time he was supposed to be walking down an aisle anyways, which, generally makes a bad impression at the alter (altho, in hindsight, I should have been liquored up walking down the aisle the first time), etc.. This went on til after 5:00 am when I said I needed to go to sleep and for him to call me later and let me know what happened or if he needed a ride to the church.. No call, no surprise.. Sunday, I called to see what was up.. No answer.. I’m assuming he’s on his honeymoon at this point.. Monday, I get an email.. He didn’t get married, he was never getting married, he was just really drunk, he’d had a fight with his girlfriend that night and was really not sure exactly why he said all those things to me.. To this day, I have no clue what that whole night was about..We didn't talk for a month or so and have both just sort of pretended it never happened.. My only reply to his email was that I suggested he consider a Halidol/Thorazine cocktail before bedtime.. Again, we remain good friends and after a brief “come to Jesus” email about not messing with my head, we were back on track with the random late night chat sessions.. Or whatever we are when he calls late at night when he’s lonely and needs a laugh..

Why This Was Wrong: Men do it all the time. You have a fight with the girl you're dating, get engaged and have a little last minute cold feet or just have a couple of drinks and decide a little late night jaunt down memory lane is a good idea.. This is wrong. Do not call your ex and screw with her head. Keep whatever relationship issues you have with your current girlfriend between the two of you. It’s also generally considered disrespectful to have the only time you contact someone be when you’re drunk.. Don’t allow your loneliness and life regrets to drive you to cause emotional turmoil and sleep deprivation in someone whom you have no intention of ever dating or even show respect enough to spend time with when you’re sober. It’s tacky. And possibly one of the signs of a substance abuse problem. We women are notoriously stupid when it comes to men and phone calls.. We don't like to admit it, but we are.. The Wayward Home for Vixens has spent countless hours of insanity trying to figure out the meaning of stupid, random, drive by phone calls. You think it's just checking in, saying hi, blah, blah, bliddy blah but the reality is that what you are doing is trying to formulate a back-up plan in case your relationship fails.. Or else you're trying to check to see if you've still got it, that you could still get her back.. This is not only unfair, it's hurtful and presumptuous. If you can't get her out of your head, consider actually dating her for a change instead of assuming you've got all the time in the world and that she'll be waiting when and if you ever get your shit straight. Oh, and for the record, wanting to see someone only when you are drunk and horny is not a compliment in any way, shape or form.. It translates into: "I'm too cheap to get a hooker, want to be a charity case 'ho?"

Next up: Cancel My Subscription, I'm Over Your Issues.. The tale of Rocco and the Inter-Continental Dating Disaster..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 9:57 AM