The Rambling RedHead

The Milk Has Gone Bad in Raleigh

Last week I sent out this link to a great article called The Milk Has Gone Bad, about the stupid dating moves guys pull that leave us women banging our heads against the wall. You know, we women all start off sane and rational but then, through extended periods of dating, we slowly become insane.. Allow me to deconstruct some of my own head smacking moments that make me wonder “What the fuck?? The species is doomed”. I have chosen 4 representative examples of general bad behavior in men from my own personal dating repertoire.. These are all interactions that are fairly recent or are people that I am still in contact with.. In the spirit of the original article, I have changed names to protect the innocent, the guilty and the utterly useless..

PART 1: Biff, King of the Lame Ass Excuses

First, there was Biff, this ultra preppy gentleman I met at RiRa’s that put on the full court press while clearly hammered one night.. Now, having been in his condition on at least one or two occasions myself, I took his declarations of interest in dating with a big horkin' spoonful of rock salt.. That and, "preps", not really my type.. But seeing as my type tends to suck, I figured, what the heck, we’ll be open to a new experience. Recognizing his own inebriated state for what it was, he got my number but then also gave me his and made me promise to call him the next day to remind him that he wanted to take me out to dinner.. About 6 times he made me promise to call because he knew he was too shnockered to remember.. I figured, again, what the heck and called the next day.. He said it was great to hear from me, yada, yada, yada, he was leaving to go out of town and could he call me Sunday night when he got back?? I said sure.. That was 2 months ago.. Now, make no mistake, I did not lose a moment’s sleep over this. I chalked it up to “idiot drunk guy” and moved on, forgetting he existed..

Fast forward to last weekend, out on the town with Dani.. Here comes Biff.. He came right up and said he was so sorry he hadn’t called, he had been really, really busy at work lately and had been dealing with some other "issues" (Fuck me, am I sick of hearing that word these days, but I digress, we'll get to that in Part 3) and wanted to know if he could take me to dinner this week.. I said “I’m going to have to go with no, sorry, but you can’t..”.. He was a bit confused as I delivered the news with a very friendly smile on my face, and tried to convince me to give him another chance and that he really did want to go out with me.. My reply: “Look, sweetie, you missed your window.. A man is only as good as his word and if you can't even be trusted to make a simple phone call, well frankly, there’s no point in trusting you at all.. Actions reveal a man’s true inner character, not words.. And the fact that the first words out of your mouth were excuses about how busy you are and some vague non-committal reference to "issues", a lovely albeit bullshit catch-all phrase for "I had better things to do than call you", well, that just shows that you also don’t accept responsibility for the way you act or your failure to act.. And let’s face it, you’re not Albert Schweitzer, you’re a sales rep, so it's not like you're out saving the world and curing cancer.. You were never really too busy to call, you just chose not to.. I'm 34 years old. This is not the first time this has ever happened to me, I know a blow-off when I see it.. But to cut to the chase, these are not qualities I seek in someone I get naked with”.. He stared mutely for about 15 seonds while he tried to comprehend just how badly I had assasinated his character (it was a pretty impressive little speech for 9:00pm on a Friday).. Once again he tried to back peddle and eventually got annoyed that I wouldn’t let him "make it up to me" b/c he didn’t call when he said he would.. He didn’t see what the big deal was.. He said “It’s not like we were dating.. I just don’t get it”.. To which I replied “No, sweetie, you don’t.. And you never will”..

Why He Was Wrong: Was I losing sleep waiting for this bozo to call? No, but it is just tacky and, in my opinion, denotes an utter lack of personal character, to say one thing and do another.. What are guys afraid of? An uncomfortable call? Just fess up and say : "I was drunk. I’m actually dating someone already. You seemed nice. Best of luck." However, if you do in fact blow a girl off and run into her in public, don’t make up lame ass excuses when you walk up. We’re generally much smarter than you are anyways... Again, fess up: " I was a shmuck, I didn’t call. I have no excuse except I was so drunk I didn’t remember you were this hot. Give me another chance and I’ll take you to dinner and I'll even show up with flowers". This actually worked on me once. Honesty. What a concept!

Next up: Francisco.. A year of 3AM phone calls and one 3 hour conversation about his pending "marriage"..

Have a good one, Gang..

posted by Monet @ 9:46 PM