Happy Thanksgiving!!
It’s that time of year again.. As we kick off the holiday season with the arrival of Thanksgiving, I want to encourage each and every one of you to take a moment and really think about all that you have to be thankful for. I often complain about my lousy luck, the lousy turns my life has taken and about the lousy hand that love has dealt me but you know what? I have so very much to be thankful for.
I am thankful for:
My family who always loves me
My amazing, feisty, brilliant, challenging, funny little boys who are the whole reason I get out of bed every day
To my Usual Suspects for helping me see the humor in everything from Frat Boy Wanna Be’s to Roommate Switching Builder Bob to Dudes 1 through 3. You are the wind beneath my wings.. But, specifically, I am thankful for:
CoraBean and Hunny Bunny for always being willing to listen to me babble about the “Dude du jour” and loving me for who I am, no matter where I am in my life..
Dani for a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold while walking to the cab as well as countless hours of consolation, analysis and love.. She’s saved me millions on therapy bills..
AJ, my "sister from another mister” for a place to live, a source of solace, for long, wine induced girl chats and for never giving up hope that one day I’ll be a Rules girl..
Big Brother for almost 20 years of friendship, through good times and bad, from B&E’s in our teens to MBA’s and CEO’s in our 30’s.
Kansas, my “brother from another mother”, a true “Handsome Bastard”, for being able to make me laugh when no one else can..
Merritt for baked goods and Buffy Musical Sing Alongs, further proof that not everyone lurking in chat rooms are psychotic.. OK, well, not all of them are dangerous..
Jenny Barnes for Ralph Wiggum impersonations and introducing me to kate spade handbags.
Jen and Rene for Bali Hai lunches, batchelorette parties and for letting me be the Best Man at their wedding.
Rich Ellis for remaining the gold standard for what we should be able to expect from a man.
My beloved Emmaus sister Donna for being willing to do the wave during communion and understanding that a song about “muff” is probably not appropriate during a religious retreat
The folks that helped me become gainfully employed, Conference Table Ken and my Evil Twin. I’m pretty sure I still owe them drinks, meals or possibly one of my unborn children.
My childhood friends that remind me that not all of high-school sucked; Kendrick, Jim and Geoff, the men who taught me how to drink beer and still have the pictures that will keep me out of public office..
My beloved bartender and friend, Gerry, for always having a Miller Lite cracked and ready before I can even sit down and for buying round after round of assorted “bombs” (O, Yeager, etc..) on our Monday nights out during my tenure of unemployment..
My various and sundry pub-pals, drinking buddies and peripheral Suspects; Clyde, Gina, Brother Wade, JD, Special Agent Smart Ass and Mary-Mary.. Good times, my friends, good times..
And for the other 92 of you (yep, The List is at 116 members) that are my far flung friends, from LA to NY, from the UK to Australia, and all points in between, North, South, East and West, thank you for being willing and even sometimes eager to read the ramblings of this redhead.. I’m always deeply amazed and incredibly touched that people from the other side of the country and the other side of the world take such an interest in my writing.
Happy Thanksgiving, Gang..
A Few Good Men.. Well, One Good Man..
I recently received an email in response to one of my Bad Milk articles that said “
Don’t you ever have any happy stories to tell?? Anything that ends with ‘And they lived Happily Ever After..’?? Anything that doesn’t vilify men and make them look like useless, clueless, misogynistic bastards??”.. Well, kids, if I had found Happily Ever After, I wouldn’t be here now, would I?? I’d be too busy spending my time being happy and naked.. If you enjoy my writing, as many claim to, be happy that my personal life has the toxicity of a New Jersey landfill because if I ever find
“The One” I will be out of things to write about and will have to start looking for a publisher.. However, I can share a story that, while it doesn’t have a happy ending per se, does at least feature a man I cannot say anything bad about.. A rarity, I admit.. So, for those of you who have started to wonder if I have any decent dating experiences, and as a salute to Thanksgivings past, I give you:
Hulk Boy, a.k.a The One Who Got Away
2 years ago over Thanksgiving weekend, the Vixen’s were out at the pub, as we occasionally are.. As the 3 of us were sitting there having a few beers we were approached by 3 very attractive gentlemen.. OK, 3 totally hot guys, not going to sugar coat it.. Not a bad cast in the lot of them. One was from Wake Forest and the other two lived in Maryland.. As tends to happen, we all sort of coupled up in conversations and I ended up chatting extensively with this insanely good looking beef cake of a guy.. We’re talking muscles on muscles.. Abs you can grate cheese on.. And just flat out adorable to look at as well.. Being incredibly jaded, I took one look at his physique and assumed he was a bouncer, in construction, a professional body builder or some other high brawn, low brain kind of field... I called him
Hulk-Boy, a nick-name derived from his Halloween costume, which consisted of torn jeans, green latex paint and not much else (I saw pictures.. Words cannot describe.. I may have drooled..) He called me
Sweet Red, presumably because of my hair color and angelic temperament..
At some point our careers came up and I told him about my work in banking and risk management.. He seemed impressed and I admit I felt pretty darn good about myself.. I'm proud of what I've accomplished.. I teasingly asked him about his job as a body guard, no, make that an underwear model.. At this point he laughed, said he didn’t wear underwear (
breathe, Jenn, breathe..) Actually, he said, he was a doctor.. I rolled my eyes and said
“What? Amateur gynecologist??”.. He laughed and handed me his card..
For the record, I admit here and now that I’m a judgmental idiot..
He’s a freakin’ PhD.. With post doctoral work in Psychiatry and Neuorpathophysiology.. A Senior Super Research Brain Trust Dude (or something similarly important sounding) with the National Institute of Mental Health.. I stared at the card and realized I was the dumb one.. And then proved it by asking what the hell Neuorpathophysiology meant. He replied
“It’s when brains go bad.. That’s how you can get in touch with me, well, until next May and then I am going to medical school to get my MD..” He proceeds to tell me about his various research projects on anti-depressants and GHB, the date-rape drug and the journals he's been published in. OK, now it’s my turn to be impressed.. Let’s see, insanely hot guy who’s clearly smarter than I am (well, brainier at least, I am pretty damn smart) with serious ambition and a string of letters after his name like an eye chart.. He also had a genuine openness to him that comes off as honest and sincere without a trace of arrogance. And he seemed to be really interested in me, but not in the usual desperate leg humping troglodyte can I please go home with you kind of way. Ka-ching.. Jackpot.. At the end of the night, we parted ways very smitten with each other, swapping emails and cell phone numbers so we could stay in touch.. Which we did over the next two months with flirty emails and the occaisional phone call..
Flash forward to January.. I head up to Virginia to spend the weekend with CoraBean and HunnyBunny to attend a huge Super Bowl bash put on by one of the radio stations in DC.. I need a date and
Hulk-Boy was more than happy to oblige.. We actually first end up meeting out on Saturday at the RiRa’s in Maryland, along with Christie, my beloved
Bahama Mama for a little bar hopping..
As an interesting aside, there is a running joke that I am guaranteed to know someone working behind the bar at any Irish pub on the planet.. My trip to Romania proved this not to be true, at least not on a planetary scale.. That night, however, did prove I might know someone in every pub on the East Coast.. One of the old bartenders from Raleigh had transferred up to MD and was there.. It’s kind of embarrassing to be greeted by name in a bar that you swear you’ve never been to before.. But I digress..
Anyhow, we had a wonderful night hanging out and he got along famously with The Gang, which is always a litmus test for me.. Love me, love my friends.. It was an exact repeat the next night for the Super Bowl party.. In all my years of dating, I can honestly say it was the best date(s) I ever had.. No, really.. Ever.. He was polite, chivalrous, attentive, funny, affectionate, sweet and there was major sparkage, to boot.. What hooked me were the little things like his hand on the small of my back as we walked through the crowds, brushing
hair out of my eyes when we were talking, opening my car door when I got in and out, telling me I was georgous.. Funny how seldom I see that kind of attentiveness in men and yet, when it happens, it says so much about their character.. Every time I date someone with even the slightest leanings towards chivalry, I can’t help but think that I want my boys to behave like that when they grow up.. That one day I want some woman to look at one of my boys and think “His mama raised him right..”.. So after spending 2 of the best date nights of my life in a row, I began to get suspicious.. There had to be a flaw, nothing and no one could be this good and still single..
And there it was..
Well, technically not a flaw, but a major roadblock.. The medical school he was attending was in the Caribbean. *sigh* It figures. I finally meet a guy I could fall face down for and he’s leaving the country for 2-3 years.. I shrugged it off for the weekend, enjoyed the time we had and went home figuring we would probably see each other whenever we could until he left the country. This turned out to be never.. Between my work, the kids and his research, we both stayed too busy to see each other for another month or so.. And then I met
The Mad Scotsman.. We had been dating for about a month when
Hulk-Boy called to say he was heading down to the islands early and would be passing through Raleigh on his way in the next week and could we spend a long weekend together? That he really wanted to spend time with me before he left.. After much gut-wrenching thought, I had to decline.. I knew deep down I liked
Hulk-Boy more than
The Mad Scotsman at that point, but there didn’t appear to be any kind of possible future, what with him leaving the country.. I also would have had to have told
The Mad Scotsman if I was seeing him as we had definitely crossed over the monogamy threshold.. There was no gray area at that point.. The choice was painful and practical.. We parted friends and stayed in contact for several more months after he disappeared into tropical paradise..
One day, after a communication blackout of about a month, I received an email from him asking to be removed from The List.. That he had recently started dating someone and she wasn’t comfortable with him being in contact with people he had been involved with previously.. On one hand, I was thinking
“Babe, you’re dating a chick that tells you not to be in contact with someone you never even slept with, who is not even in the same country as you are because you had a good time together one weekend?? Run away!! Run away!.”.. On the other hand, I was once again struck by what a catch this guy was.. He was that willing to make major compromises in his relationships to make them work.. By the time I received that email, I already knew
The Mad Scotsman and I were never going to be a
Happily Ever After, hell, we’d broken up twice already, so it was quite bittersweet.. I wrote back to say I respected his wishes and I hoped they would be very happy together..
Every time I come across the pictures from our one fantastic weekend together, I can’t help but wonder if
Hulk Boy and I could have been something amazing under different circumstances, if the timing had been with us instead of against us.. He was truly my great “what might’ve been”.. He’s the reason I hold on to hope that “those guys” are actually out there.. People like him and my Beloved Suspects are the reason I am even willing to go on first dates any more.. He's also the reason I still say there are those rare instances where you can actually meet someone special at a bar..
So you see, Gang, I have had at least one dating experience that, while not big with the happy ending, left me with no bad memories and if anything decreased my bitterness towards the male of the species in general.. So raise your glasses, kids, to
Hulk Boy, The One That Got Away.. He was a one in a million.. but lets all pray I don't have to date 999,999 other guys before I find another one like him..
Weekend Wrap-Up and Looking Ahead..
What a wild and wooly week and I don’t think the coming weekend is looking much slower..
So the Vixens went out last Friday night for a quick beer and ended up staying for “tee many Martooni’s.”. In all honesty, I think those who would best enjoy a rendition of “Fear and Loathing In Raleigh” already heard the tales on Saturday night and if you really want to see what kind of madness we get into, you’re just going to have to come out, get on the Vixen Party Train and hold on for dear life like the rest of us..
I will leave you with a few tantalizing details and allow you to connect the dots:
There were many, many rounds of Evil Monkey Martini’s
All 3 of us were either hit on, asked out on a date or asked for our phone number at one point during the evening.
There was some singing involved.
There was no nudity but a very high level of profanity and frivolity
2 pub bartenders got smooched (but I won’t say which or by whom)
Someone got lost going to Cody’s for takeout Chinese (as in the place right behind the pub).
There may have been a Carolina Panthers Cheerleader moment (or 3)
We all ended up going home separately and ALONE (gotta clear our good names here..)
I ended up with an extra phone at the end of the night
Other than that it was a relatively tame night, we all got home alive and it was just another Friday night in Raleigh…
Saturday saw AJ and I prepping for our party with very tender noggins.. If it hadn’t been for the fact that we didn’t think we could actually get in touch with the 15 people we invited in time, we probably would have cancelled it. As it was, we rallied and got the house clean and I prepped dinner.. We had Coconut Curry Chicken Kabobs, Ginger Soy Marinated Beef Kabobs with homemade Peanut Satay Sauce and a cold balsamic marinated green bean salad with almonds. We also had fabulous mini appetizers to start with and Orgasmic Brownies for dessert, compliments of Merritt… Good turnout, all the Usual Suspects plus a few extra faces.. Nina and Billy, JD, Mikey and a special late night appearance by Stunt Cock (Sorry, Babe, once you’re given a nick-name, you’re stuck with it.. Just ask Kansas..). JD took tons of video of all of us making total fools of ourselves, including the Suspects Kareoke-ing to “Paradise by the Dashboard Light”, Kansas and Big Brother pulling “A Night at the Roxbury” on me and AJ and I singing well and proudly to “You’re Too Big to Fit In Here!” from The Sweetest Thing Soundtrack.. Ah yes, good times, my friends, good times.. We wound it down around 12:30 with me on the sofa watching an edited “8 Mile” in my SpongeBob jammies and AJ headed back downtown with Stunt Cock for post party drinks at Bogart’s.. She asked if I wanted to come with.. My reply: “Not for a million trillion kajillion dollars could you get me off this couch or to show my face on Glenwood South tonight..”.. Ergo, sleepy-time..
This weekend should be a damn busy one.. I’ll be going to see Walk the Line, the Johnny Cash bio-pic on Friday night, should anyone want to join me.. I love me some Johnny Cash.. He’s my hero.. This was a man who struggled with human weakness but never lost his faith in the Lord.. Saturday will see me going to get Oz fixed up (his splash guard is dragging the ground AGAIN!!), taking Zack to see Harry Potter in the early evening and then heading downtown to The Bar Formerly Known as RiRa’s to see The Complaint’s, one of my favorite bands.. They really need a good crowd to impress the new owners of Napper Tandy's (RiRa's new name) so please come on down and join me for a great night on the town..
Great also means tame as in no wild adult beverage consumption because...
Sunday, I am being confirmed and officially joining Christ Episcopal Church.. This is a very exciting transition for me and I would like to issue a personal invitation to any and all who are local to come and attend the service and be there to support me.. Nothing would make me happier than to see some of my Beloved Suspects out there as I take this very monumental step on my spiritual path.. I haven’t “joined” a church since 1980 when I was confirmed at Wesley UMC.. This is a huge, huge, huge spiritual commitment for me to become Episcopalian and to leave my family’s church to become an active member of this congregation. I am very excited about it and am already very immersed in the parish life through EFM, Stephen Ministry, St. Bridget’s ECW, Great Wednesdays and Dinners for Eight.. Please come help celebrate this spiritual commitment with me.
And to celebrate nothing in particular, The Suspects and Company will be assembling at Bufflao’s on Creedmoor Road for wings and beer before we make the trek out to the RBC Center to attend the Cane’s vs. Lightning hockey game.. So far we’ve got 7 of us going so it should be a fantastic time..
Dang, now that’s a full weekend..
Have a good one, Gang…
Random Acts of Miscellany
So I Married an Axe Murderer..
First, as promised, pics of the ex dressed as Groundskeeper Willie (you can't see it but he's got his kilt on, whch really tied the ensemble together).. I do think it’s wonderful that, despite all that we’ve been through, Alex and I are still good friends. I will always admire and respect him for many reasons, not the least of which is his amazing creativity.. I am looking forward to next year’s creation immensely as he’s told me that he has already decided on his costume..
Animal from the Muppets.. Frankly, I think he’d be better off as
Sweetums being 6’4 and all..
Maybe???
Oh, yeah.. That's the stufff.. Muppets RULE!!
Hang-Outs and Good Times
Last weekend was fantastic. Friday night saw me having post-work drinks with Emmaus Donna at the Saucer
(“If someone is your monkey, they are your monkey.. Unless they are your Donkey..”).. Then AJ and I went to Dani’s for a little Vixen’s Night In.. AJ stuck around for about an hour and then it was just me and Dani.. And a lot of beer.. and an 80’s dance party CD.. And some really big sunglasses.. and an Irish shamrock deely-bobby headband.. and a feather party hat.. Has evryone gone to a scary visual place yet??? We took pictures, but they are too blurry because we were laughing too much to hold the camera straight.. No wonder she keeps getting noise complaints from the apartment complex.. We ended up having a dance party for about an hour to such classic tunes as “Jam on It”.. “Supersonic”.. “Tootsie Roll” (
Oh, yes we did.. basically, the whole Jock Jams CD collection..).. Thanks, babe.. that gets filed on the Top 10 Great Nights list.
Saturday night saw me out on the town hanging out with a cast of characters such as Big Brother, Simon The English Wanker, Gerry, Scottish Lennie, INS Lenny, The Hugh Grant Bar 'Ho and Special Agent Smart Ass.. Good times and an interesting group.. Special drive by guest appearance by "
Drunken Bald Frat Boy Wanna Be".. Thankfully, he kept on walking, altho I did recieve a text later that said "Am I so easily replaced??".. Uhhhh, whatever, dude.. Go back to the frat house.. I'm sure there's some sorority chicks just dying for your Rohypnol like charm.. and the scotch-guard bill for the beer stains..
Tuesday night was a perfect roomies night.. AJ and I sat out back in the balmy November air, catching up over a bottle of Shiraz.. Long discussions about our jobs, Friendster Brad, Meet-Up John, (
Dude, didn’t we declare a memorial against all Johns?) Rocco, Hulk-Boy and all the beloved men in our lives, including the two wonderful ones I happened to give birth to (“
Xander is so freakin adorable!!”.. ”
Yeah, it’s the only thing keeping him alive some days..”) You gotta admit, I got one damn adorable little monkey there..
Coming Up…
On tap for the weekend.. Nothing solid for Friday night but Saturday will see the Usual Suspects and assorted others gathering at the
Home for Wayward Vixens for a fabulous feast.. I will be donning my chef’s hat and creating a veritable epicurean banquet to the delight of the attending pallets. Translation: I’m whippin’ up some tasty vittles.. Naked Jello Twister and full contact thumb-wrestling are on the agenda as entertainment..
Your Moment of Zen..I have 2 items I’d like to share, just because they touched me when I read them… the first is from
Emmaus Donna:
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it"
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.Yeah, that one really spoke to me as I still struggle to reconcile the last few years I’ve had.. It’s as wonderful analogy as any I had ever heard.. My trials are God holding me to the fire to purify my soul to better reflect His presence in me.. Nice..
As the Vixens and I have struggled lately with a lot of troubling thoughts about the men in our lives (because, frankly, there ain’t a lot of life in the men..), we keep wondering what it is we’re looking for and what we should be able to expect out of them.. I came across this quote in my morning devotion.. It is advice given to a young man by a Jewish Rabbi..:
“Be very careful if you make a woman cry, because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man’s rib: Not from his feet to be walked on. Not from his head to be superior, but from the side to be equal. Under the arm to be protected, and next to the heart to be loved.”Now that's a beautiful sentiment.. Is that too much to ask for in life?
Have a good one, Gang..
Good vs. Evil
GOODSo I just spent the evening in a state of Techno-Geek and Mommy bliss.. Our IT guy at work is The Bomb.. First we find out we have several mutual friends.. Next we bond over my iPod.. Then he arranges for me to have the SmartPhone during my trip to Romania.. And today he arranged for me to have a smart phone of my very own.. I am the proud owner of a
PalmOne Treo 600.. It's pretty frikkin' sweet.. This update will be pretty short because I have to get back to figuring all the cool stuff it can do out..
Next my Mom and I took a break as Xanderpotomus was insistent that we have a tea party.. My mom made the crack that in the South we wore a hat and gloves to a tea-party.. Next thing we know we're sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor of X's bedroom surrounded by about 20 animals with my son wearing mittens and a toboggen while pretending to feed popcorn to inanimate objects.. Yeah.. I had boys.. I signed on for farts, mudpies, live frogs in their pockets and other assorted little boy things.. Sitting down and having a tea party with my son while he looks like Mini-Me in gansta' gear was not in the contract.. I know, I'm kidding.. It was one of those delightfully precious parenting moments that makes me feel good and wholesome..
Unlike Halloween...
EVILWe assembled at the Home for Wayward Vixens around 10:00 to get dressed.. Even though I was not going to be staying there overnight, I felt a need to get dressed away from my parents.. I can't imagine why.. This is the fruits of our labor:
"May I take your tempereature?? Why, you're burning up!!"
The Devil went down to Raleigh... She was lookin' for a soul to steal..
Piece of candy, go for a ride, Mister???
A big thanks to J.D. for tons of pictures.. Between these and the pics of AJ's birthday (and me and Dani's birthday last year, and the block party in Cary, and all the other pictures floating around on the web) I think I can safely rule out a career in politics..
Overall, a lovely tame night (at least for me it was).. I hit the pub to meet up with
Good Will Hunting for a few drinks and costume watching.. I was studiously avoiding The Dive Bar as that's where Frat Boy Wanna Be was hanging out. He's not getting the whole "throwing you out of my house means I don't love you" kind of vibe I've been putting out.. I received no less than 3 drunken
"Where are you?? Come up and hang out, girl!" phone calls.. Yeesh.. It may be time to develop a sudden case of Boyfriend.. Or possibly cholera or some similarly virulent contagen that will get him to back off.. I contemplated hitting The Pour House as I was told The Pope was going to be there and I was thinking of going to seek forgiveness at some point.. I kind of hate I missed it.. It turns out Alex won first place in the costume contest for his
Groundskeeper Willie costume.. Basically it involved him wearing his kilt and glueing red fur on his face and eyebrows.. You know, that man has gotten more wear out of his wedding dress than anyone I've ever known.. Our marriage may not have lasted, but the memory lives on with every Halloween.. I asked him to send me pictures so I can share the glory.. My only other stop for the night was Sullivan's for a drink or two with Special Agent Smart Ass and some of his friends.. Ever the gentleman, he spared me the $20 cab fare and squired me home.. He only charged me $18.. What a bargain.. Out the door before one and in bed with the wee ones before two.. You gotta admit, compared to years past, that's a damn quiet night for us..
Have a good one, Gang..
I am thankful for:
