Bad Milk in Raleigh - Part 4
The town I live in is not exactly a thriving metropolis, there is only one real concentration of nightlife and not a lot of variety in options for socializing. Subsequently, you tend to run into a lot of the same people over and over. In addition, you tend to make friends with a group of people and stick with them over time. My own beloved Usual Suspects is a prime example. In terms of core Suspects there are 6 or 7 of us, down 2 since Ms. CoraBean settled down with HunnyBunny and Michelle moved to Colorado. Along with the close little group that tends to stick together pretty tightly, we also each have other peripheral friends that we rotate in and out of the group. The point I’m making is that, it’s not a big town. We tend to run with the same folks and stick to the same places, everyone kind of knows everyone else. This provides fertile breeding ground for an unfortunate dating phenomenon known as Friend/Roommate Switching.
You know I love you.. Can I date your roommate??
I guess I have to start with Kansas.. In every other instance on the blog, I change the name of the person I’m writing about to protect identities, particularly in the case of the Bad Milk articles. Heck, Francisco has 3 separate blog names designed to mask his true identity.. Kansas on the other hand.. Well, he really could care less.. He’s the kind of New Yorker, Italian Smart Ass that has skin made of Teflon. Nothing sticks to him. But, as he is one of my beloved, I did feel a need to clear the use of his name and the history we have.. His reply? "As long as you mention I have a big dick, I don't give a shit what you write about me".. I know, I know, but I absolutely think the world of the guy anyhow.. OK, so, just to keep my end of the bargain up, he tells me he's got a big pecker and I am hereby officially passing this information on to you, my gentle readers. It's huge. He was born a tripod. It's like Mount St. Pecker. Women in Argentina sing folk songs about it. (Is that enough to prevent a libel suit, Kansas?? Because I'm starting to abuse sarcasm at this point..)
Anyhow, back to the story.. As has been noted previously, Kansas and I dated for about a month just about a year or so ago. We made a great couple.. We’re both smart, sarcastic, high energy and damn good looking (or so he’s fond of pointing out).. Alas, it was not meant to be.. He’s a foot and germ phobic marriage minded atheist and I’m a divorced free-spirited missionary with kids. We were doomed from the start. Luckily for us, we both recognized that the attachment that we had formed for each other was worth keeping intact.. We decided to remain friends and have done so with an amazing degree of success. I count him as one of my nearest and dearest.. This transition from dating to being friends was not always easy and Kansas is the primary reason I invoke the “Let’s NOT be friends” policy when ending a relationship these days. It just gets complicated. Take for example, when someone you dated and actually had some feelings for wants to suddenly date one of your best friends/roommate.
Enter AJ. My beloved roommate. Model gorgeous (and I’m not just saying that.. She actually IS a model) with a huge heart and a natural sweetness that just lights up a room. Yeah, I have no idea why we are friends either. Typically anyone that sweet and beautiful makes me want to bludgeon them, but her, I love. Anyhow, one night as we’re all hanging out, having a few frosty adult beverages, Kansas and AJ get to chatting it up. I think nothing of it. About 20 minutes later, Kansas and I decide to make a location switch and head out. As we’re walking amicably hand in hand through the back streets of downtown, chatting it up, he suddenly stops, pulls me into his arms and looks deeply into my eyes, gently brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes and says “You know I love you very much.. You are just about my best friend here and I would never want to do anything to ever hurt you.. Can I date Ann?”
Huh? *sigh*..
This begins the most twisted 20 minutes of my life.. OK, maybe not, but it’s in the top 10.. We spend the next 20-30 minutes standing there, faces just inches apart, engaging in verbal Chinese water torture (which was invented that very night for that specific conversation) talking about him dating my roommate and best friend and why I can’t endorse it. Back and forth about why he wants to and why I can't sign off on it and tell him I was ok with it. The whole scenario was wrong and difficult on so many levels, but we’ll get back to that.
After a few drinks, it seemed like a good idea..
Then there was Reynaldo, another guy I dated, ever so briefly last year and, simply out of loss of interest on both our parts, we quit seeing each other. We didn’t date long enough for it to have gotten emotional and we had fun hanging out so we remained friends. This one was less complicated because we just kind of drifted into being friends. At one point last summer, while I was involved in my last long term relationship with the Mad Scotsman, we ran into Reynaldo out on the town and he sort of became a peripheral Suspect. He hung out enough to be on the emails for “Hey, come join us doing this” but not enough to hang out at the Home for Wayward Vixens. Fast forward to a few months back, the Vixens are all single and hanging out one night watching one of our favorite bands The Complaints when we run into him. I notice he’s chatting up AJ quite a bit.. I have absolutely no problem with this and actually kind of give her a “Go for it” nod.. After all, he’s a pretty nice guy.. Straight, employed, all his own teeth, no prison record, in other words, quite the catch.. Then after a few drinks, he starts flirting with me a bit.. And then flirting with AJ a bit again.. And flirting with Dani a bit.. I actually think he was flirting with Kansas at one point but we can’t be sure.. At some point, the Suspects decide to leave and head out.. I decide to stay behind because I love the band and have no problem whatsoever flying solo.. AJ offers to give Reynaldo a ride home.. which he interpreted to include an offer of a “ride at home” as well.. Imagine his dismay to find she was just providing the caring service of designated driving. He actually raised his voice to her and said “If you aren’t going to sleep with me, what was the point of me leaving with you??” Ouch. She decides to risk a traffic violation, floors it and gets him home in record time, dropping him off promptly at 1:00am. I know nothing of this. The next morning, I notice a missed call on my phone.. It’s Reynaldo at 1:05am. He’s calling to see where I am at and if I want to hang out one night. I’m late for brunch so I don’t call him back. During brunch, AJ brings us up to date on her evening with Reynaldo at which point I make mention of my phone call. Interesting. So later I called and asked him about it. I finally point blank tell him I know AJ turned him down and that I think it was pretty damn tacky to call me at 1:05 to ask me on a date 5 minutes after being rejected by one of my best friends. His reply: "Well, I’d had a few drinks, it seemed like a good idea."..
Oh if I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning…
The day I moved in with AJ last year, it did not fail to escape my notice that we had some cute neighbor boys across the street. One particularly cute guy was ever so polite when he hauled all my furniture inside for me. That was quite neighborly. It was also quite neighborly when as I was exiting a cab one night he invited me over to hang out for a bit at the party he was having. So it was just a nice neighborly thing to do to invite him over one night to hang out when we had a bunch of folks over. This happened a few times. Eventually, random neighborly smooching occurred. No big deal. So, this neighbor, let’s call him Builder Bob (he happens to be a carpenter), calls me when I don't stay at the house for a few days to just chat, asking if I’ll be back soon and if I want to go to dinner. I put off the invite for dinner primarily because I think it’s probably a bad idea to get involved with a neighbor, he’s only 28 and he’s a little less cerebral than the men I typically date. I like ‘em sharp as broken glass on a bed of nails. But he's persistant and one afternoon he calls me to invite me out for dinner again. I tell him I’m home with the kids but I’ll be back at the house the next night and maybe we can hang out or something. I figure that's pretty harmless and he is a very nice guy.. I have no interest in dating him but there's no harm in being friends.. The next day, once I get to the house, I mention to AJ that I might go hang out with Builder Bob. She has a concerned look on her face all of a sudden. She proceeds to tell me that Bob had stopped by the night before to watch Desperate Housewives (which is possibly a warning flag all its own) and had proceeded to hit on her. How about that. I suspect he was indulging in some kind of bizarre Three’s Company fantasy without the part where Mr. Roper shows up. The next time he called to invite me out for dinner I asked if it was a date he was looking at or just a hang out.. He said a date, definitely. At this point I told him I thought it was tacky to be asking me out less than 24 hours after trying to screw my roommate. He's become another DNA in my phone (Do Not Answer).
Why This Was Wrong: Do we really need to answer this? Apparently if 3 guys within a 5 mile radius of AJ and I are making the same mistakes, yes, we really do. There are 2 distinct and different scenarios here: Trying to date the friend of someone you previously dated and trying to hook-up with the friend of someone who has just blown you off. Both are wrong, but the second scenario also strays into downright asinine. Here’s the thing guys: Girls talk. A lot. If you hit on someone and then turn around and hit on her friend, the odds are, she’s going to find out and they are both going to label you a desperate leg humping troglodyte. In the case of Reynaldo, it came off as sheer desperation to get laid which pretty much ruined his chances of dating either one of us ever again. Given when he sobered up he called and apologized profusely, he realized the error of his ways.. Unfortunately, the damage was pretty much done.. It was insulting to both of us. It insulted AJ because if he had really wanted to be with her, alcohol aside, he would have not sought the company of someone else so quickly. And it insulted me because, after having been just friends for over a year, he calls me to ask me on a date immediately after my friend turned him down. That comes off as a relationship that would be based on revenge. No thanks. I’ve got enough of those on my personal to do list already! In the case of Builder Bob, I don’t know what we decided to label it. Youth? Desperation? Stupidity? I mean, come on, did he really think we wouldn’t compare notes and realize that he was attempting to have his cake and eat it too? Maybe he was angling for the big 3 Way With The Hot Neighbor Chicks. Right, because everyone knows that all the stories in the Penthouse Forum are based on real events.
Kansas was a different scenario. When it comes to dating a friend of someone you already dated, the situation is much more complex. Sometimes one relationship doesn't work out but it leads you to meet the person it could work out with.. These situations are complicated and messy at best. In this case, it was just weird. I couldn’t fathom the depths of the awkwardness of seeing Kansas exiting my roommate’s bedroom on a Sunday morning. Also being the relationship pessimist I am, my primary concern was what happens when the whole thing went kerplooie? Sorry, but so far neither of these wonderful people have scored a Happily Ever After (which they very much deserve), and knowing them both as well as I do, I just didn’t see it in the cards (because they would kill each other). What I did see was the potential for 2 friendships being torn apart when I (and other Suspects) were forced to pick a side, as would have inevitably happened. It's just a fact that break-ups can get ugly and people are always forced to choose a side. At the very least, one party is typically no longer welcome at group gatherings of the friends. I never wanted to have to choose sides between one of my best girl friends and one of my best guy friends.
This is why we have The Girlfriend’s Code. Because we just can't trust men to exhibit common sense in such situations. It falls on the shoulders of the women to know when to say when.. you know, when it comes to saying no to a guy.. In general, anyone that your close friend has loved, been deeply smitten with or slept with when emotional attachment was involved (no dibs allowed for booty calls) , well, they are off limits for you. This keeps things simple. Now, as I mentioned before, in a town the size of ours, eventually, you’re bound to cross the streams. It’s just something you want to voluntarily avoid if at all possible.
All I Really Ever Needed to Know, I Learned From Rich Ellis..
"And I was sitting not 2 days ago, feeling loney cause I'm just feeling low, and I asked Henry, my bartending friend, why it is that there are those kind of men..And Henry said: 'You're lucky to even know me.. You're lucky to be alive.. You're lucky to be drinking here for free cause I'm a sucker for your lucky pretty eyes..."Polyester Bride ------- Liz PhairChange "Henry" to "Gerry"... I tend to bemoan my singleness quite vehemently to my favorite bartender and good friend after each dating disappointment.. I also tend to bemoan my disappointment to you, my gentle readers.. Lately, I feel like I spend alot of time bemoaning.. Too much, probably..
Let me clarify where I am these days.. I actually am quite happy and content in my life right now.. For those of you not one of the Usual Suspects, let me bring you up to date on some changes that I've gone through and some of the new endeavors I have undertaken..
The new job... I am almost a month into my tenure at RTI as Manger of Enterprise Risk... I absolutely love my new job.. It's the kind of expereince where I actually get up early and go to my office excited to see what new challenge the day holds for me.. I can already see that the kind of work I am doing is going to get me more involved in my peak area of interest, interntational risk management.. I suspect interntaional travel is going to be involved eventually.. In short, I love my job... I love my manager, my co-workers, my office that actually has a door, my work, the meetings, everything about it is exciting and challenging.. I realize now how much hating my last job impacted my outlook and overall attitude..
My kids remain a shining source of love and joy in my life.. You can't help but keep both feet on the ground when, through the normal course of events, you get to say things like "Stop farting on your brother's head and get that thing out of your nose!!".. They are the reason I live and breathe..
On the spiritual front, there's alot of changes.. I leave for Romania for my mission trip on Thursday, a 12 day spiritual journey that I anticipate will be a life changing event in terms of spirutal and emotional challenges.. I can't imagine remaining as self-centered and self-absorbed as I am now after sepnding 2 weeks serving and caring for orphans.. As a mother, I don't think the hard part will be leaving
my children for 2 weeks to go, I think the hard part will be having to leave the children there when I return..
I am also currently undergoing training to become a
Stephen Minister, a lay/parrish minister that assits members of the congregation through long term spiritual challenges such as job loss, divorce, custody issues, substance abuse, financial difficulties.. When I read about the training and the issues that they deal with, I pretty much realized I unfortunately have extensive expereince in almost all of those areas and could maybe help others who might be going through the same difficult times I have..
And if that wasn't enough on my plate, I also have signed up for a 4 year course through Christ Church called
Education for Ministry, a lay and parrish ministry education program that covers in depth the Old Testament, the New Testament, Church History, Liturgy and Theology to deepen my spiritual knowledge and understanding of God and the foundations of religion and the Church..
Most of the people that have known me for any period of time have been somewhat startled by the spiritual changes I have gone through and their impact on my socializing and behavior, particularly over the recent weeks.. I made consious personal changes and sacrifices to prepare spiritually for my mission trip and it's service.. This includes finally giving up all smoking, even socially, trading in my Miller Lites for Cranberry Juice & Ginger Ale and observing a strict "no nookie" policy.. No drinking, no smoking and no sex.. Oh yeah, I was a real ray of sunshine the first few weeks of my preperatory period, let me assure you.. I'm still pretty freakin' cranky 5 weeks later.. Funny thing, I never knew how much people associated me with certain behaviors.. People don't know how to react to me without a beer and a cigarette as my constant companions.. And you would have thought I said I was going out to kick puppies and set fire to nursing homes the other night when I said I was leaving at 12:30 because I wanted to go home and get a good night's sleep because I had church in the morning..
That being said, I am still human, still single and still dating.. If anything, I suspect my increased spiritual focus will make my love life suck even more because I am becomming more selective about the people I want to involve myself with.. Take the overgrown frat boy who poured beer down my back a few weeks back.. a year ago, we probably would have been a perfect match but now, no interest.. I want more..
So last night, I went out with Jenny, Kevin, AJ and Friendster Brad... Me and 2 couples.. I cannot begin to express how much that sucked.. Not the company, mind you, it's AJ and Jenny, afterall, some of my most beloved friends... But when you are with couples, they tend to stay right next to each other, as if strapped together by bungee cords.. if they stretch too far from each other, they suddenly snap back into place.. There's no roaming the location, no scoping folks out and people watching.. Saturday night I missed my CoraBean and my Dani something awful.. There are no greater wingmen/running buddies than those two.. As an added bonus, Cora Bean now brings HunnyBunny with her.. He's a natural born wingman, if there ever was one.. As usual, I digress.. Jenny and Kevin left for another bar and then AJ said she and Brad were tired and might go ahead and leave.. They did accompany me back to the pub to see if any of the usual pub crowd was around but alas, they were all in NY for the U2 concert.. Then we went to Stool Pigeon's to see if we could find Jenny and Kevin to meet up with.. As I stood there, sober as a judge, and looked around it hit me.. This place, this night, this whole scene was bullshit.. So I left..
On the way home, I reflected on several conversations I have had with Rich Ellis, my beloved former roommate.. I remember him talking about not being able to find anyone to date.. I used to give him hell about not coming out more.. How was he supposed to find anyone if he stayed home all the time? His viewpoint was, he wasn't likely to meet anyone he actually stood a chance of having a relationship with at a bar.. I get that now.. Granted, there have been a few men that I have met while at a bar that I think were exceptional and remain in my thoughts, despite my attempts at literary exorcism, mainly Rocco, Hulk Boy (another story waiting to be told) and Francisco, but for the most part, the guys I've met out are all drunkards looking to get laid.. I get that now.. And the odds of me finding a man that is ok dating a woman with kids, goes to church and does not have a substance abuse problem or unresolved relationship issues at the pub are pretty slim.. I get that now..
Funny thing, huh? Turns out all along, Rich knew what he was talking about.. Who would have thought, you know, other than him??
So what to do, what to do?? As I have pointed out to my beloved Suspects many times, my dating pool was pretty shallow to begin with, but without being interested in going to the bar and drinking until my standards drop accordingly, I suspect it's now a dating puddle.. I guess I'll head to Romania and throw myself into service and then come back home and throw myself into my family, my work and my church.. Try to have faith that God will put someone I can love, who will love me back into my life.. That all the near misses and disappointments will be worth it.. and that the lonliness I am going through is an alchemists process, changing me, improving me and making me more of the person I am becomming, the person that I want someone to love.. And I am there.. I want someone to love.. I want to spoil a guy rotten, cook him dinner, give backrubs, watch hockey while snuggled up on the couch, spend rainy Saturday's in bed, take trips and have experiences.. I want someone to want those things for me.. But I know you can't seek love out.. It's something that comes to you in it's own time.. I get that now.. But it doesn't make the nights any easier..
Escort Services, Spankings and the Bald Man Factor
It was a bad week for Love..
Escorts and Spankings and Websites, Oh MY!!
Last week as I was leaving my church membership class I checked my phone and noticed I had missed several phone calls from AJ.. Her message said that she need me to come by the house to provide some relationship perspective as only I can.. Presumably, this means someone needs the sense smacked back into them.. I called to check out the sitch.. It was bad.. Our friend Lori had been online earlier and did a Google search and noticed in the search history that there was a search for "Escorts, Raleigh".. and "Dominatrix, Raleigh".. and "Bondage, Dominatrix and DesMoines" and "Escort Services, DesMoines".. Did I mention Lori's boyfriend was on a business trip to DesMoines? As soon as she found all of this incriminating information she did the sensible thing and headed to the Home for Wayward Vixens for solace, comfort and as much cheap red wine as we could pour down her throat.. .
We spend about 20 minutes trying to recreate the search that he did to see exactly what he might be doing in DesMoines and/or Raleigh.. Sadly, we were not able to ascertain anything except that if you like a good spanking and would prefer it be administered by a professional, Raleigh has got you covered.. At this point she brings out another website she had made note of "Adult Friend Finder".. It sounds innocent enough, right?? Wrong.. this is a site that is essentially nothing more than people posting picture of their genitals in an effort to connect for casual sex.. It’s amazing that I am still this naive.. I was actually shocked by this site.. Which made me kind of happy just to know I still can be shocked.. Maybe I’m not as jaded as I think I am.. It was at this time we decided to call Dani and invite her over so she wouldn’t miss out on this hootenanny cavalcade of fun.. The conversation went something like this:
Me: "So you need to come over to the house because we're looking at some website that has local people looking for sex by posting pictures of their genitalia in an effort to try to spot AJ's friend Lori's boyfriend's pecker b/c she caught him looking up escort services online tonight and it's just another Tuesday night in Raleigh.."
Dani: “I’ll be right over”.
We proceeded to do a search in an effort to determine if her boyfriend was a member or rather, if his member was a member.. Lori was sure she could spot him in a second.. After all, how many white, 27 year old males in the zip code of 27615 could be looking for casual sex? A freakin’ boat load of ‘em.. 234 to be exact.. As Dani so aptly put it “That’s a lot of dick”.. After 20 minutes and about 56 peckers, I pointed out that, it wasn’t likely that we would spot him.. That it would be hard to pick out his pecker given there were a lot of peckers to pick from.. He didn’t have any distinguishing marks or characteristics and was of average size (according to her).. There were 234 of them and to be honest, with the exception of the extremely small and the extremely large, all peckers look alike after about 12 or 13 of ‘em.. (How’s that for a great quote??) .. We slogged our way through about another 30 or 40 peckers and finally called it quits.. Lori would probably never know if her boyfriend was hiring hookers, posting for casual sex or wanted a professional spanking.. She was going to have to make some tough decisions, the kind of gut wrenching choices that no one wants to make.. As I walked out the door, I tried to come up with something to say to ease her troubled mind, something that would maybe bring a ray of hope or even just a sense of peace.. I said “You know, I’ve seen more dick in the last 45 minutes than I’ve seen in my entire life.. But hey, at least I went to church tonight.. You guys are going to hell..”..
And it was just another night in Raleigh..
Bald Men and the High School Flashback..
A few weeks ago I was out on a Saturday night, as I am occasionally.. I met what I thought was a very nice, highly adorable guy.. Totally my type: a bald, beer drinking smartass.. What can I say?? I have an addiction to the follicley challenged.. He was a little on the younger side (29) but in nursing school, a mature and socially responsible career choice that was quite endearing, he was athletic, worked 2 jobs, owned his own house, transportation and furniture.. As we were in the middle of a very loud establishment, we made brief conversation and exchanged numbers.. I declined his offer of a Yeager Bomb and went about my merry way.. The next weekend he invited me to his house for a party he was having.. I went, met some very nice people and watched him and his friends commence to getting completely hammered.. I wasn’t drinking that night b/c I had to be up early for church (hangovers and a big ol’ honkin’ chalice of communion wine do not go well together) so I was stone cold sober.. I noticed that his group drank a lot.. Even by The Usual Suspects and Irish pub standards, so that’s saying something.. During the consumption of several beers in about 2 hours he must have had 8 or 9 shots of Yeager.. Ouch.. This made me a little apprehensive as, after the end of my last long term relationship, I have come down firmly on the “con” side of getting involved with individuals with substance abuse issues.. It’s just too much work.. But hey, it was Saturday night, no harm, no foul.. Around 12:30 I decided I needed to get on home.. He tried to talk me into staying, you know the classic “I won’t lay a finger on you.. I just want to hold you.. I want to wake up with you in my arms, blah, blah, bliddy blah...” Yeah, right.. Every girl that buys that line spends her entire night in permanent cock-blocking mode or else she just gives in and has sex so he’ll shut the fuck up and be still so she can get to sleep.. Sorry, boys.. I proceeded to tell him I’m really not that easy (Translation: I have finally learned not to sleep with anyone I might actually like for at least a month.. Wait, does that mean that if I can’t stand the guy first date sex is ok?? I need to clarify that with AJ..).. At this statement he replies “Yeah, I caught the God bling” in reference to the cross I wear.. Hmm, guess we won’t be going to bible study together.. But hey, finding an intelligent, straight, bald, smartass willing to date a woman with kids isn’t an easy order to fill so, what the heck, I persevere..
Fast forward to last weekend.. We’ve had another hang out or two which again included him and his friends drinking to the point of excess and actually to the point that one threw up on the back deck of RiRa’s.. Tequila’s a dangerous beast.. I actually wanted to tell them that the fraternity called and wanted their persona back.. We finally decided to take it easy one night, stay in and watch a movie.. I was dog sitting for my folks so he came over to keep me company.. He arrived bearing a 6 pack of beer and The Ring 2.. It suddenly felt like high school.. my parents away for the night, me having a boy over to drink beer and watch a movie.. Except he drank all the beer himself and proceeded to develop 6 extra hands.. Wait, it was *exactly* like high school.. I haven’t had to pin my arms to my sides in an attempt to ward off roaming hands in at least 13 years.. And generally, I find that when I want to watch a movie, its usually easier to do without someone attached to my face.. I finally sat up and turned my back to him to communicate, politely, that I was going to watch the movie.. He then decides it would be fun to tickle me.. For the record, I hate to be tickled.. Let me reiterate that point: I absolutely fucking hate to be tickled.. It’s not cute, it’s not fun, it’s passive aggressive and could possibly get you beaten to death with your own leg.. I once had a guy keep ticking me after I asked him several times to stop.. He laughed and said “Too bad.. I like to tickle..”.. I proceeded to grab his scrotum and twist it approximately 270 degrees counter-clockwise.. when he jumped up cussing and freaking out about the pain in his balls, I laughed and said “Too bad, I like to twist the twins..”. He never tickled me again.. Of course, he never asked me out again either but I suspect that relationship had probably run it’s course anyways..
But I digress..
After I threatened to separate him from an appendage (I was using medical speak in an attempt to communicate clearly to him on his level) he finally settled down and offered to give me a back rub.. After a minute or so, he convinces me to take my t-shirt off.. I’m not terribly comfortable with this, but I am wearing a bra and it is just a back rub.. Unless you’re 15 and then it’s an excuse to try to cop a feel.. And seeing as this guy has all the game of a high school freshman, you guessed it, he unhooks my bra and goes for the boob grab.. I tell him to cut it out, that if he wants to give me a back rub, go for it, but hands off “the girls”.. About 3 minutes later, swear to God, he proceeds to pour beer on my back.. I shit you not.. Just like in high school where you try to get a girl to jump up so you can get a glimpse of her tits, which is exactly what happened.. At this point, I’ve had enough.. I have beer on my back, in my hair, on my jeans and down the crack of my ass.. It’s at this point I head upstairs to change and tell him to clean the beer off the couch.. “What for?” he asked.. To which I replied “Because if the couch smells like beer when my parents get back, my Mom won’t let me have any more parties..”.. I hustled his ass out the door about 4 minutes later before we can get to the high school date-rape portion of the show.. I can handle immature and I don’t mind someone who enjoys a frost adult beverage or seven but this literally was a flash back to a cross between almost all of my high-school dates and the semester I was in Xi Delta Phi and dated the Derek the Drunkard from Chi Phi.. Huh, how about that? It just occurred to me that Derek was bald too.. After some analysis, the Vixens were kind enough to point out that almost all of the bald guys I dated, well, it didn’t really work out so well…That maybe I should start looking beyond the silky smoothness of a guy’s scalp… All they were saying, was give hair a chance..
